In the week where I decided to stop killing myself, and other adventures.

So I have decided to stop killing myself. I know I do not like smoking anymore. I am totally hocked up and in love with evil nicotine. In my grand plan, I will replace nicotine with exercise and finally will have the ass that I want.

I think it is a big lifestyle change for me and I will have to buy all new clothes.
When you give up smoking, they say it is best to go ahead and do it without telling anyone. No fanfare or fuss lest you create extra pressure on yourself. I have abided by these wise words and am just going to stop. Tomorrow is World No Tobacco Day so I will be smugly be able to watch all the anti-smoking ads while secretly wanting to tear my hair out and eat a block of chocolate.

I also had a house guest for a few days. Nikki from Styling You came to stay in all her glory. Jack took one look at her and started calling her Princess Nikki because she is so shiny and fresh, in complete contrast to his own mother. They became fast and firm friends and Harry loved her because she had cool apps on her iPad. Mr Woog loved her because he got the chance to be silent while we talked at each other for three days (and we were recovering from the world’s biggest argument from the night before which culminated in me taking to his wetsuit with a pair of scissors. But we are choosing not to dwell on that. It was PMS’s fault )

We drank wine, she critiqued my pedicure, shopped and wrote. Twas excellent. And she was the perfect date to an event we were attending.

On Thursday night I got my shit together and managed to arrive just a tiny bit late for the launch of the book, When My Husband Does the Dishes. This new memoir by twitter’s funniest lady and uber-blogger Kerri Sackville outlines life as a mother and wife, with a healthy dose of sex, friendship and PMS.

The launch was held at a bookstore in Paddington. It was packed. There were bloggers who had come in from all over the country. Sacko certainly has some pulling power. Champers flowed a plenty, as happens when you stick a whole lot of mummy bloggers and the eastern suburbs social set in one room. The vibe was loud, louder and inappropriate for much of it. Which is why I was having such a good time.
I purchased her book from a youthful assistant who then stared at me horrified when I swooped up a handful of display Easter eggs next to the till and shoved them into my handbag. As I had my wobbly boots on, I asked her to write out on a bit of paper what I wanted Ms Sackville to inscribe my newly purchased book with.

One day I hope my breasts will be as bountiful as yours,
Kerri Sackville

And when I got my book back, she had clearly ignored my request.

By this time I was starving as well. I wandered outside to chat with some guests when a man stopped me and asked what was going on in the packed bookshop. I said I would tell him if he gave me a bite of his kebab.

I guess he REALLY wanted to know what was going on.

So the weather forecast is calling for 7 days of rain and I do not care, because I think I will knock this book over in a day and then will spend the rest of the week implementing her advice such as When I need to Start a Therapy Fund for my Kids. This includes when they find you in the shower wearing a tampon and ask my you have a string “in your bum ” and when they see you sobbing with greater gusto then they ever could.

BUY IT NOW. BUY IT HERE.

It was a big week which culminated in a funeral yesterday in the driving wind and rain down at Bowral. And it did get me thinking how lucky I was to have such amazing family and friends. I watched my dear friend sob over the grave of her mother and it struck me. Life was too short as it is. So I have decided not to kill myself anymore. Or eat food from strangers in the street.

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  • http://www.stylingyou.com.au/ Nikki | Styling You

    So excited about clicking the Like button on this post. May even click the Tweet button. I missed Jack’s snuggles this morning, Mr Woog’s coffee run (Mr Styling You just went for a surf) and missed sitting in a room with someone who is happy to have their head in an ipad while you talk to them. xx
    PS. Pippa definitely had Spanx on. Yes, she’s young and gorgeous but no amount of gorgeousness can smooth out like Spanx.

  • Holly- MDM

    Mrs Woog, you brightened my day just that little bit more.
    x

  • Lauren aka Barbs

    Smiling as always. Much love, was so so good to meet you x

  • http://www.oneskimmochaplease.blogspot.com Angela

    hahaha The kebab!

  • Sharon Baird

    Thanks for a giggle to get the day going.
    Especially the scissor attack on the wetsuit. I can almost picture the lead up ‘discussion’ as I have long thought about the damage I could do to skis, kayaks, boards & x boxes that are seemingly more attractive than my crabby PMS self!!!
    I wish you a wonderful smoke free day – and far beyond.
    My Mum has just quit after 30+ years. It took a lung dieases and a heart attack to finally get the message across. She’s two weeks free and I’m so proud.
    Power to you for wising up so, so much sooner.
    :-)

  • http://www.diminishinglucy.com Diminishing Lucy

    The evil weed is going? Good. You know where I am. Seriosuly, if you need to ring me at 3am and scream, do so.

    xx

  • DenyseWhelan

    Mrs W… Thank you for not killing yourself. Because I want to be in Woogsworld with you for a long long time… Love u
    The other Mrs W xxx

  • DenyseWhelan

    Mrs W… Thank you for not killing yourself. Because I want to be in Woogsworld with you for a long long time… Love u
    The other Mrs W xxx

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kerri-Sackville/100000913018761 Kerri Sackville

    Dear Mrs Woog,
    You and your bosoms were the absolute stars of the evening. I was but a bit player. At least my bits were.
    Love you lots you sexy naughty thing. And SHAME on you for not stealing me some kebab.
    xxxxxxxx

  • http://twitter.com/Annieb25 Annie

    I look forward to giving that new bum of yours a grope when next i see you ;) Seriously though, I’m glad u are giving up smoking. Life is too short & you have way too much fun left to have – you need to be around to spice up the retirement home when you are 85 – can you imagine?? xxxxxx

  • http://littlelioness.net Fiona

    I wish you well!

  • Joh66

    Do the maths darl, have you any idea how many puffa vests you can buy if you didin’t buy ciggies!! Go for it – I did 2 years ago and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself – BTW at the moment my own Dad is going through end stage emphysema and you do not ever want to do that to your kids! It is horrific, it is ugly and it is breaking my heart minute by minute……

  • Twitchy

    Had a blast at the launch and meeting the infamous Mrs Woog in person! Found a blue Nicorette dispenser- was it yours? X

  • MadamBipolar

    All I can say is hep b. I cannot believe you munched on a stranger’s kebab.

  • jwillardmartin

    Mrs Woog, I want to come and live in your handbag for a week. Please?

  • Lisa Lintern

    One day I will snort my nose off laughing at your blog. People will think my nose disintegrated from a cocaine addiction…but it will you all your fault. xo

  • Lisa (skip91)

    Glad to see you survived the kebab……
    Good decision about the ciggies, good luck!
    It was great meeting you, still have a smile on my face!
    Came home babbling to hubby about the fantastic tweeps I met in real life & assured him you are all absolutely normal…..
    xxx

  • http://claireyhewitt.blogspot.com/ ClaireyHewitt

    Yes, life is not only too short already but is full of great functions to attend, quit the fags to help make sure you can eat more random kebabs…have never heard of “death by kebab” so surely no harm in that one.

  • http://twitter.com/FatMumSlim Chantelle Ellem

    You’ve just made me crack up all over again. Here’s hoping this next week isn’t such a rollercoaster. xx

  • http://www.lifeonplanetbaby.com/ Jane

    Best of British with it, Mrs Woog. What will you do with all the extra money you’ll save? J x

    • Mrs Woog

      I will buy kebabs x

  • http://www.wheresmyglow.com Glowless

    Unlike Lucy I’m not gonna offer my services at 3am when you’re craving a ciggie – and considering I’ll probably tell you to have a wine to calm down and knock the edge off the craving, it’s kinda a good thing – otherwise you’ll end up with super healthy lungs and cirrhosis of the liver.
    You can do iiiiiiiiiiit. x

  • http://www.postcardpam.blogspot.co.uk/ postcard pam

    I stopped smoking and my arse got much bigger!

    • Mrs Woog

      I suspect that might be the case with me….. If it is indeed possible

  • MultipleMum

    I reckon you have to rate yourself pretty highly to have a bridesmaid as hot as that. Good luck off the durries. Go Gary Go!

  • Ashley

    A counselor at my internship is quitting. She’s been 2 days. I applaud her, but she’s getting really ummm lovely to deal with, as time passes. I did not know about the World No Tobacco Day, but I wish I would have, so that I could tell the clients out on pass not to go smoke even cigarettes. Although I highly doubt they’d believe me and do that. I’m glad that you mentioned it though, and I’ll pass that information on.

  • Donna @ Nappydaze

    Waiting next for the Mrs Woog book to hit the shelves…

  • http://www.beccibird.blogspot.com/ Becci

    Good on you and keep it up. My Dad died from lung cancer just as he was starting to enjoy himself at 80 (gave up at 70), my parents in law won’t give up (they’re in their 60s) and suffer for it (heart, blood pressure, strokes, emphysema – not too mention my children won’t kiss them “cause they stink!”. Live it up big and eat an apple everytime you feel like lighting up (breaks the habit with your hands wanting to put stuff in your mouth and it’s healthy). Good luck, the twitterers are here if you need us!

  • http://mylittledrummerboys.blogspot.com.au/ Trish

    Live every day as if it is your last but also live every day as if it the first day of the rest of your life.
    I’m glad you are giving up my Dad was still going down to the docks to smoke when he was in the hospital at WM. Addiction sucks.
    I’m sorry for your friend’s loss.

  • BettyZade

    What a busy lady you are! LMAO… I can’t believe you asked for a bite of that man’s food… and he actually let you!!!
    snarkandire.blogspot.com

  • Farmers Wifey

    Um about that PMT and the wetsuit…….I accidently on purpose dropped and smashed The Hubbsters favourite plate when stricken with that thing…….and he still doesn’t know. Well not yet anyway….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rhonda-Adamson/1218064577 Rhonda Adamson

    Sounds like a fantastic book. I’d be very interested in the swimswuit/scissor story. It could easily happen in this house. Only with say…something related to hunting.

  • Heatherm

    Hi Mrs Woog. I quit smoking in December 09 at the grandies’ requests (wanted the cupcakes and riots to continue). I live in Cairns, but I used the program available at this website http://www.stopsmokingsydney.com.au/. Hypnosis plus neuro-linguistic programming. I was as cyncial as could be, having kept smoking all through my first husband’s six-year death from emphysema, and having smoked for 37 years less pregnancies. I swear to you I stopped immediately and have not resumed, even though I occasionally steal a smoke from a friend. Amazed the shit out of me then and now. Cost me $500, but enormously worth it. I have already experienced major health benefits, too. Takes about 2-3 hours all up but well-worth the bucks.

    HeatherM

  • http://www.wanderlustlust.com/ Wanderlust

    Oh, I almost cried when I saw Nikki in your living room and I wasn’t there with the two of you! And then you went to a blogging do with champagne and I wasn’t there. Wahhh… But yay on giving up smoking. xx