Somewhere, at any given time, I hear the opening credits of Spongebob Squarepants in my house. It is slowly driving me insane. It is like some sort of trance-inducing melody that makes my kids sit there like a couple of slack jawed yokels.
Yesterday afternoon, Spongebob Squarepants said it’s last Crabby Patty in my house. It is now banned FOR LIKE FOREVER.
It started off like any other normal Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday afternoons are a hectic time here at WoogsWorld but yesterday was particularly taxing. I had to pick the kids up from school, race home, ask Jack to get into his ballet gear 800 times and get back into the car in under 15 minutes. I had then planned to drop him at his ballet class, quickly run around Franklins like an idiot with Harry, race over to a mates house to pick up Foey Foey Moi Moi and XO (our g-pigs are being billeted out while we establish a pig-lawn), pick up the dry cleaning and then try not to forget to pick up Jack. All in under an hour.
So we arrived home from after school and Jack got dressed. I made the mistake of taking a phone call. As the minutes ticked closer to our departure time, I kept walking past the boys (who were slack-jaw yokeled in front of Sponge Bob and asking them “Please go get in the Car…..” I asked about 3 times as I finished up my phone call.
Then I just lost my shit.
“I’ll show you, you little buggers……” I thought as I grabbed the keys and went to the car. “Imma gonna screw with your minds…” and I jumped in the car, reversed out and drove down the street. My plan was to park a bit around the corner and wait until they realised I had gone. I had primo position to watch a couple of panicked boys run around looking for their mum.
Just typing this now, I realise how bitchy I truly am.
Anyway, I stood there waiting. And waiting. And waiting………… waiting. Blood pressure slightly rising as the minutes ticked by. And for the second time in a short space of time….
I lost my shit. Again.
I drove back up the street, burst through the back door and spotted them, jaws slack.
Aye Aye, Captain!
I can’t hear you!
Aye Aye, Captain!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
If nautical nonsense be somethin’ you wish.
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
Ready? Spongebob Squarepants!
Argh, argh, argh, argh, argh!
So my plan to psychologically screw with them backfired spectacularly but the upside is that I NEVER have to hear the SpongeBob song AGAIN!