I was in my early twenties and at a friends place when I noticed a huge glamour shot of her on the wall. I recall laughing my ass off and paying her out mercifully. It was the 90′s and professional photo sessions seem to insist you take your kit off and lie down as they swathed you in white chiffon. It was soft focus a-gogo.
Now that I am only a bee’s dick shy of 40, I think how lucky she is to have that photo to look back on. Even though you can make out her ass a bit.
I was contacted by a PR company whose client was wanting to do some photo sessions with bloggers. Immediately I thought no way! But then again, did I want my kids to remember me as either confused…..
or drunk or a mixture of the two.
So I said yes. I mean how hard can it be? I had watched every single episode of Australia’s Next Top Model and had even hung out with last years winner Montana Cox at a Marriage Equality Rally so surely some of that magic rubbed off on me. Or maybe I taught her a thing or two….
I asked my friend Steve Murphy about posing and he gave me one piece of advice. Pose like you are resting you chin on the top of a bookcase to get rid of jowls.
So I arrived at the studios sporting a severe under bite and looking like I had been dragged through a bush backwards.
|Dear sweet jesus…..|
Simona was the photographer and soon I was ready for my close up after a hair and make-up session.. But not really as I just kept bursting into uncontrollable and nervous laughter.
|Newsreader Mrs Woog needing a nose job|
|seriously, who farted….|
|holding in my stomach and channelling Jackie Collins|
The shoot was a hoot and the team at GM Photographic retouched those shots like a maniac, for which I will be forever grateful. After all, no one likes a hairy mole!