50 Shades of Woog

The house was descended into silence and was dark, all bar the gentle flickering of the television which pumped out mundane stories about people that she did not really care about. It was a cold night. She snuggled even further under her leopard print snuggie and could faintly make out the cold puffs of air as she breathed out.

On the table beside her sat an empty glass of wine. She briefly considered pouring herself another one before realising that Sunday was technically a school night. And she had things she needed to achieve in the early hours of the following morning. So she resisted. She needed a clear head for reading groups.
A door opened and she heard the stomping sounds of footsteps coming up the hall. A shadow appeared in the doorway and she looked at the large outline of the man she married. A man dressed in a pair of underpants….. and a polar fleece jumper.
“Come to bed…” he suggested. “Let’s shag.”
She looked at the TV screen, looked at him, then back to the tv screen before commenting.
“You have got to be kidding me….”
And then just as quickly as he appeared, he left. Leaving her to her stories. In the dark.
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  • OMFGROFPMSL.

    That man you married is ALL class!

  • GSP

    Fucking hilarious!!

  • susan

    Good grief I didn’t think you could get any funnier! I’m still smiling after having a good belly laugh. You are a tonic Mrs. Woog. x

  • Bronnie – Maid In Australia

    Sex in the suburbs … love it!

  • Hee hee, that is funny! Let’s shag, it’s almost as romantic as the propositions I get! x

  • Chris

    Check out The Ballad of Freda and Barry by Victoria Wood on Youtube. Hilarious!

    • vanessay

      I love that song, Victoria Wood is a brilliant woman, her interview with Parkinson was the best interview he ever did, I reckon.

  • SawHole

    We had a blackout today. So Mr Saw decides it’s action stations. He even lit some candles, which never happens. They were my expensive Bath & Body Works ones! He even gave me a massage, but nah, nothing stirred my loins. Poor Mr Saw.

  • SawHole

    Are Staffies a bogan dog?

    • Anna

      Yes!!

  • Taritta Butchart

    Fuck that’s funny and and I thought only mine did that

  • BinH

    Always happens

  • Pam

    LOL!! Sorry to be picky….BUT….You cannot have an empty glass of wine. Don’t hit me 🙂

  • Christina

    You just made me spurt my wine out of my mouth!!!! PMSL

  • Christina

    You just won the oscar for that movie in my mind!!!! Again, PMSL!!!!!