Survived another New Mum’s Morning tea today by regaling the collected mums, who were almost entirely English, with stories about spiders and snakes and rats and other assorted dangerous animals only found in our fair land.
About the time that a huntsman dropped on me from the windscreen which caused me to crap my dacks a little.
About the time I found a snake in the laundry.
About the time a wasp flew down the back of my t-shirt when I was at uni, and went on a stinging frenzy, which caused me to drive into a telegraph pole.
About the time I woke up with a headless rat in my bed thanks to Chuy.
The horror on their collective faces confirmed my suspicions that they knew squat about this place that they have moved to, all because their husbands said “Yes” to an overseas transfer.
Plus I was wearing my Ollie and Max shirt WITH SNAKESKIN PANTS! Snakeskin makes you tough. It allows you to talk about snakes with some authority.
Speaking of Ollie and Max, after a very long judging process which saw the entries whittled down to 15, the eventual winner was chosen.
If this is you, please email me at mrswoog(@)hotmail(.)com but with out the ( ) signs. I just put those in so I do not get any more spam emails telling me how I can get another 4 inches on my penis by using a special cream.
Congratulations, cheering up is imminent!
So with that all done and dusted, imma gonna take my fat snake skinned ass and slither away to pack some boxes. The removalists are booked for the end of next week and I cannot wait to put an end to this….
|Yesterday. As far as the eye could see. FARK.|