Marriage is the first step towards divorce

Let’s talk about divorce. I say this as many of my mates marriages are going in the bin at the moment.

Marriage is HARD. And on Valentines Day, you might ask yourself where did the romance go? And why is your partner such a douche at times?

For me, it is this.

UNTILL DEATH WE DO PART, does this annoy me! Every morning, as I scramble to the coffee machine, I am greeted with a plate and a knife sitting on top of the dishwasher. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And this in turn, makes me have substantial ill feelings towards my cherished beloved. Feelings that can last for several hours and which are made worse if he calls me to ask me some stupid question about something ridiculous. “Have you seen my thongs?”

The top ten reasons that people get divorced are as follows:

  1. High Expectations
  2. Adultery
  3. Compatibility
  4. Low Tolerance and Rigidity
  5. Harassment (I think this means nagging)
  6. Lack of Commitment
  7. Lack of physical attraction
  8. Family Pressure
  9. Lack of Communication
  10. Family Background

Nowhere on the list does it say speaking, snoring or leaving a plate of top of the dishwasher.

So what’s a gal to do?

Do I continue to be irritated by this one little habit and suffer in silence, or do I rein down on him like a rabid lizard queen, teeth bared with angry spite dripping from my tongue, as I fling that plate out of the window before bursting into uncontrollable hysterics while throwing myself onto my bed.

CAN YOU TELL THAT I HAD A CRAP SLEEP YET? 

The truth is, everybody has annoying habits. Me and the phone… the plate on the sink… the toilet roll fiasco that plagues women the world over. Taking money from your wallet, or leaving the car with an empty tank of petrol. Habits are extremely hard to break. It is a neurological thing, the absolute need to follow a pattern of behavior, even unconsciously.

But sod that. Just put the plate in the bleeding dishwasher!

What is it about your partner that you love and loathe?

 

 

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  • That plate…!!!
    I love Dragon Dad to bits. He’s kind, funny, protective and supportive. We laugh a lot – which is a good thing, and we don’t really fight. Now that we’re empty nesting, life has become simpler and on the whole, there aren’t any huge issues.
    BUT, the constant fad eating – because, TRAINING. Personally, I think it’s a bit of a Peter Pan issue. Once an elite athlete, always an elite athlete, and the growing list of injuries and age related niggles that DO slow bodies down…well, you know, not HIS body. He WILL eat it, beat it, train it into submission. Note – he’s at the physio this morning after injuring himself at the gym the day before yesterday. Something new? Oh, no, aggravated an old injury trying to lift weights that perhaps he shouldn’t be trying to lift any more… So, he’s eating out of a book during the day, but decided not to impose that on evening meal times – thank goodness! I can make what I like for those – as long as there’s nothing on the verboten list in the meal. *sigh*

    • Virginia

      I had to laugh at this. My almost 60 yoold is doing his 2nd 8 week challenge at F45 (you know the cultish one!!) and he is non stop moaning about his shoulder his ankle his knee and is cranky all the time. Any suggestions from me (trained phys ed teacher and nutritional scientist ??) arw met with incredulity that i dare suggest he slow down or do something more age appropriate. And then there’s the eating plan!!! I have boycotted it after the previous challenge – how much atlantic salmon organic chicken breast kale and kinwah can one family afford!!??? He’s on his own!!

      • Oh boy…that does sound familiar… It’s the all or nothing thing that gets to me. With his current injury, he can’t ride – he’s a cyclist – and is in pain. THAT triggers the ‘bad’ eating…followed, when he heals, by the resumption of austerity and all the talk about ‘bad’ food…gah!! If he just stuck to a basic program of balanced meals – which is what I cook – he’d find he wouldn’t binge…cos he’s either binging when he’s sick or injured, or depriving himself when he’s not. NO-ONE can tell me that attitude is healthy!

    • My man is a fitness freak as well, but his body is finding it hard to keep up with his mind.

  • My fella actually stacks the disher – very badly and insists ALWAYS on re-arranging EVERY LITTLE THING I HAVE ALREADY PUT IN THERE, EVEN TEASPOONS. Can you tell the road works here have been going nonstop for 24 hours after 120 HOURS last week? Yep I might have to sleep as I am driving the M1 today.

    • This reminds me of my late step-father. He would always repack my shiftily packed dishwasher.

  • Adele Wain

    I think he’s doing it just to get a rise from you. It’s too calculated, too deliberate.

  • Kimberley McMahon-Coleman

    This.
    I saw a Michael McIntyre “bit” on this where he told his wife that at least the crockery was “in the zone,” and she ranted at it him that he might as well put it in the front garden. I mutter about “effing gardens” on daily basis, now.

    • Once, in a fit of PMT rage, I actually threw his dinner into the garden. Not proud of that one. But shit it travelled far!

  • Ivka

    Mine eats the ham or anything in a jar or packet and leaves the empty jar/packet in the fridge

    • That happens here as well. I think every household has one culprit!

  • Sarah Chegwidden
    • Deb

      Fascinating – love hearing from a man who has thought about this stuff. Thanks for sharing

  • CC

    i just read that Oliver Sacks used to put clean dishes in dishwasher to fill it up so that the dirty dishes would have company during the cycle. That would drive me nuts…
    dirty undies and socks in my line of vision the night before as CBF walking to laundry…makes me v v stabby even after 30 years

  • TheEMM

    Hearing so many stories of DV in the news, like that poor Gold Coast mum, it saddens me that DV isn’t on that list. That list makes it seem so shallow when really some are backed into a corner and leave to protect themselves/their children.

    It’s time we support victims & list it as a legitimate ‘reason’.

    • Of course we need to support DV victims and those poor children. Heartbreaking stuff.

      • TheEMM

        Sorry Mrs Woog that came out terser & certainly harsher than i meant. I know you’re an advocate for people in that situation & your post was about those everyday niggles. I’m sorry I hope I didn’t upset and if i did please accept my apologies. Just hit a nerve for me which is my thing not yours.

        Btw though, in the spirit of the original post, my ex used to leave wet towels on the floor below the towel rack, and then take my dry towel next time and leave there also *AND THEN* complain when all the towels stank! #facepalm
        That and underwear all over the bloody house – like alright you like freedom down below when the kids and I were asleep/out but put your gross dirty undies in the hamper or washing machine!! *breathes* lol

  • Donna

    Mr Woog and that plate are famous. Ive prev said to just live with it, it is part of him (you) now. BUT my slightly more bitchy advice is to hide all the knives or plates late this evening or pre fill the space with something else.

  • Donna

    Single now but the father of my kids is a genuine hoarder. Just absolutely wearingly horrible.

    • That must have been hard to live with.

  • Nicole

    I would leave it there, in silent protest. He can then add another…and another….until he has none left. Meanwhile serve everyone else on napkins…..so each dish is his own mess. I freaking hate people who expect others to pick up after them.

  • Sally Rose

    Remember Marg Simpson’s litany of Homer’s transgressions which ended with “and he picks his toenails”? Nothing can compare with that.

  • Mhorag

    I leave my shoes where I take them off and my husband of 29 years has learned that he has to just deal with it cause I’m not changing. I think you have to choose your battles and that ain’t one of them.

  • Debyl1

    Hi Wonderful Mrs Woog.
    I helped out at the nursing home today as they put on a lovely Valentines day for the residents. There was a lady there who came to visit her husband who had a stroke. He was getting ready for work not very long ago and as he was putting on his tie he was struck down. One day they were having their normal life then suddenly her husband needed to be put into a nursing home for full time care.He was gone and she was left in their big dream house all on her own.
    There was another lady there who came in to visit and spend the day with her husband who suffers from dementia and like the previous man he is only in his sixties.When the music started and he saw us dancing he said to her ….we should get up and dance. It was soooo beautiful to see as he can hardly walk or hold a simple conversation or recognize familiar faces yet when the music started he wanted to dance with his wife. I found it soooo hard to hold back my tears. Heartbreaking.
    At the end of the day his wife thanked us for all our efforts and with a huge smile on her face said she couldn’t believe it when her husband wanted to dance with her just as they did before he went into the cruel world of dementia. She said the years have just flown by and suddenly all their plans and dreams came to a halt.
    It made me realise that all the little things my hubby does that upset me and drive me crazy really are not worth the time. If we know at this moment we are loved by a truly good person then we are very lucky as others have had that taken away in a split second.
    Many say to me how good it is that I give my time at the nursing home but it isn’t just me giving to the residents …they give so much to me as I look about and see life lessons right before my eyes.I thank my lucky stars that I can walk out of there and go home to my loved ones while others will never be able to.
    Much love and hugs to you .xx

  • Gosh you are so right, this cohabitation this is TOUGH. Luckily the good outweighs the bad most times at our joint! x