Losing it

Virginity is the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. I remained in this state until the age of seventeen, and while my friends were “losing it” in drunken states to random fellas at parties, this was the one thing that I was going to do right.

(I write this post knowing that all the teachers at my kids schools read this blog, as does my general practitioner but I figure you know everything about me, so let’s close this off.)

The year was 1990 when I first fell in love. His name was Peter but for the sake of his privacy, we shall now refer to him as Scott. He was a tall, strapping blonde fella with a sense of humour and a devil-may-care attitude. We fell hard, but I came with a (strangely now absent) set of morals, akin to those of the good private school girl that I clearly never was in any other aspect of my life. My rules were as follows.

  • We could not consummate the relationship until we had been going out for six months.
  • Fornication would take place in a controlled environment without the benefits of any intoxicating substances.
  • Discussions were to be held about contraception. Contraception would need to be researched, analysed and findings presented in a factual, non-emotional manner.
  • It would not be discussed with any friends. (This totally NEVER was going to happen)

So as the six month mark came about, a plan was put into place. Ironically, looking back, I have never put such thought into anything I have done since. That includes two unplanned pregnancies resulting in my offspring. But I digress. It was the evening of the eleventh of December, on a balmy evening in the country town of Wellington NSW. We were staying with a whole heap of friends and the grown ups in charge were fond of a beverage or twenty-seven, so we knew that clearly we were unsupervised. And in the back of a Toyota ute, parked under a huge gum tree, I became the woman who you see in front of you now. (but with more grey hair, wrinkles and a cynical demeanour.)

I was a huge fan of Bruce Springsteen at the time, and still are might I add, and while he sang in his beautiful tones about being on fire, I CAUGHT ON FIRE!

In a quick survey of my mates, it was determined that 100% of us found that first encounter as awkward, dare I say it, as fuck. Thankfully, it was also quite quick. As soon as the deed was done I was like “Holy shit, I am pregnant and I have aids….” which of course was not true at all. But that was the opening of the floodgate as we fornicated like bunnies for the next eighteen months until distance tore the relationship apart as I started university in a country town away from Scott.

I texted him last night to let him know that I was going to tell this yarn, and was that ok with him. He said that he must be good material for me, and I told him that I could put him on retainer if I ever become a wildly successful blogger. (When is that going to happen universe. I have put that out there for years now! PAY UP DAMMIT)

So now that I have absolutely NO secrets left to tell you, join me tomorrow for my tips and tricks in how I deal with laundering socks. It is a method that I am considering patenting.

So, lets open this up for discussion

How did you lose it?

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  • Jenny Andersen

    I was the new kid in town, and I fell hard for the cheeky tall, dark & handsome boy who was in hindsight a pisshead root-rat. He worked on a merchant ship and was heading off for a couple of weeks, so having spent the afternoon in the beer garden I headed off to his ship and wondered what the hell had hit me?? Is that all there is?? The walk of shame off the ship … did I learn from that, no … kept up my infatuation for him for a few more months until I finally woke up to myself. Sadly I heard he died a few years later of a heroin overdose.

    • Gosh I am sorry to hear that. But a great story Jenny xx

    • Donna

      Ah…… the walk of shame. Could’ve have been my Uni major. Never from ship though.

      • Jenny Andersen

        yep, back down the gangplank lol

  • Vicki

    I was sixteen. Out at a party in the country side in someone’s old dairy! The party was pretty good. The usual amount of (too much) alcohol was consumed. My pissed little brain decided it was a good idea to dance on someones car roof. The party was THAT good! The problem was that car was someones pride and joy. Needless to say they were pretty narky about it all so they dragged me down from the roof. Winded me in the process when I fell to the ground. Then he was about to lay into me i.e. – kick me!!! DIRTY FUCKER! That’s when the boy visiting from the city, the self claimed gangster stepped in and defended me. He threatened dipshit car owned to fuck off or he’d show some serious gangster moves on him. He helped me up and showed some (minimal) care and protection but it felt heroic to my pissed little head. I decided to stick by his side, quite literally. By the end of the party we shagged in the bushes on the side of the road. A very unromantic prospect and event. So, underwhelming and there are SO many things wrong with this story now in retrospect it’s not funny (although I can laugh about it)!

    • Oh my! What a hero! It must be something about that country air. xx

  • Donna

    I was way too young but the fella was lovely (and continued to be for some time). I lived in the country so it was on a horse blanket on a balmy night in a paddock. I was under whelmed. My hormones and the generally good foreplay lead me to believe something bigger was to follow. I was disappointed. But things got better…………

    Looking back, even though I was too young, I have a very fond memory and secret smile. It was totally my choice and was coercion and alcohol free.

    • There is something about that fresh country air!

  • Kate

    Mine was with a boy I had been going out with for quite some time when I was 17, in my bed while the parents were out of town, the deed was nothing special but the experience overall was, he was lovely and loving. Then a few years later I realised why the deed was not so special when on a very drunken night I fell into bed with a female colleague. She was a total bitch and broke my heart, but I can thank her for waking me from my stupor, who knows how many more years it would have taken me to wake up. Having said that this was in the early 90’s around the time Ellen came out so it was still very taboo and very scary.

  • 17 & desperate to find out if sex really was the hideous crime my mother & the nuns lead me to believe. Boyfriend of indeterminate amount of weeks, telethon weekend in June. No planning done just a need to find something my mother couldn’t take away from me. His name was Paul. Once the deed was done I sowed those oats like the world was ending! I know that’s a male terminology but I wasn’t a slut! Paul featured in my life on & off for about 6 years & recently found me on Facebook. He’s a grandfather now & I have an 11 year old. Our lives are polar opposites. It’s a bit scary where my life could have gone had I stayed with him. I’m not ready to be a grandma!

    • Jesus those Nuns had something to answer for hey! I too, sowed some oats in my day. xx

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    Love this!!

  • GUEST

    I was 15 or 16.

    My best friend came to stay at my house and two boys I’d known since primary school invited us over for a “party”..

    So, we planned to both lose our virginity on the same night!
    We even took a “before” photo in my room before my mum dropped us off at his parents house.
    Because, best friends, duh.

    We got to (let’s call him Scott) Scotts place and found it was just him and his best mate, what a party, and they were pretty drunk.
    Looking back now they’d probably had three orange UDL cans each..
    So we decided we needed to catch up if we were going to go through with it.

    We found a bottle of vodka or gin or bourbon or fuck knows what, and drank it.

    We were young and small framed so we got tipsy pretty quick.

    Fast forward an hour or so and there’s me and Scott, doing it.

    With my best friend doing it with his best friend

    Right next to us, in the same bed..

    Because, well, best friends?

    It was taking Scott a while to get it in, apparently just because my brain had decided I wanted to have sex (read – get this over with) my vagina didn’t necessarily agree.

    Aka I was very dry.

    He complained when I said it hurt saying that the last virgin he fucked must have been using a vibrator, because she didn’t complain about the pain.. (all of this was being said while he’s just managed to find the hole and get the tip of his penis inside me)

    He didn’t finish, and I definitely didn’t finish, but pretty soon after that conversation, I decided I’d had enough, and pushed him off me.

    I mean technically I’d “done it”, so I’d set out what I wanted to achieve.

    I had sex.. For lack of a better term.

    The rest of the night is a little hazy, but I do remember me and my best friend taking an “after” photo when we got back to my house…

    • Scott sounds like a complete goose. But I literally wet my pants reading your whole story. BEST FRIENDS DUH!

      • GUEST

        Such a complete goose that we continued shagging for a few months after…. 🙄!

        I was pretty mortified by the story for s long time but now I find it hilarious!

  • Heidi D

    I was determined not to rush into anything so I was 20. I have tried to forget the tragic details but it involved the back seat of a car & a guy whose name I can’t remember. He may have been working as a model but his good looks didn’t help with the thoroughly pathetic experience.

    • All the cool kids did it in cars!

  • Mine was awful! I think sex should be banned until age 25. Banned.