Does your brain ever default to become your enemy?

It has been about a fortnight since Putin and Trump colluded together, along with Google, to take down* Australia’s Number One Ridiculous Website. I am not going to sugar coat it, it has been a rough time. I discovered that I was addicted to blogging and as with any addiction, once it is taken away from you, you go into withdrawals. And with no space in which to create, I kind of got into a spin.

Where the fuck were my 2325 thousand stories? Where were all my memories? Because I am sure as shit that I cannot contain them all in my head.

So I did what I tend to do when the stress becomes all too much.

Now, I have workshopped my anxiety enough with Dr. Susan to know all it her little tricks and mischievous ways in which she tries to tap into my subconscious when I am under stress. She was very persistent one day last week, trying to trick with me with her evil lies. A panic attack was impending, I recognised the first waves of adrenaline wash over me while I was sitting in a board room with a dozen people.

One of Dr. Susan’s tricks to stave of a panic attack is to really focus on something. I had just eaten a white chocolate Lindt Ball (highly recommended) and so I began smoothing the wrapper out slowly, getting rid of all the creases. I noticed the different textures of the foil and the cellophane and took note of the different fonts. A few minutes of doing this and the attack realised that I was not going to play and it left the room.

Motherfucker. I WIN.

And my overactive brain spent the fortnight telling me that I should take the blog problems as a sign that I am irrelevant, that I am useless. A joke in fact. That what I do was worthless and I had spent years of writing my stories which did not make a difference to anyone. Does your brain ever default to become your enemy? If so you will know exactly what I mean.

Look in the mirror, Hello imposter syndrome! Just who the devil do you think you are Mrs. Woog?

And then, like it always eventually does, there was a really faint light at the end of the tunnel. It is just a blog. It is not changing lives or contributing great things to society. My tech wizard Kelly, well she was not going to go down without a fight, setting her alarm clock to get on the phone to Google in the States in the middle of the night. Everyone needs a Kelly on their side. Oh and if you are not into her blog, please click here.  She makes my world a better place and I guarantee she will do the same for you.

Thanks for all the lovely emails and messages you wrote me. I have read every single one and will get back to you soon. The fog has lifted. The work that I do is important. I provide a special place in the big bad gloriously wonderful world for people to connect. And after all, isn’t that we all want in the end? Thank you for reading.

THE END

To new beginnings!

*May not be the exact truth.

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  • Jenni from Styling Curvy

    Welcome back! We all matter…you matter, and you do make a difference.

  • THANK FECKING GOODNESS!!! I’m so stoked for you – welcome back and here’s to more wonderful witty posts. Much love x

  • Bronwyn Kingdon

    Fantastic! And you do make a difference. If you ever doubt that, read back over these comments.

  • I’m so relieved for you! I had issues myself a little while back and it’s stressful and anxiety inducing! And I’m nowhere near as famous as the likes of you (understatement haha). The bloggy world would be very empty without you! I had a bit of an attack last night – all of my insecurities just jumped up and attacked despite overwhelming evidence that all is OK. Gosh it’s a bitch isn’t it! x

  • This is why my blog is still at blogspot – I don’t have the wherewithal to manage the technicalities of my own URL, even though I bought it a few years back so no one else could have it… And while I know I can hand that side over to someone else, that would take funds I also don’t have. Maybe one day, that will sort itself out and I can make the change to a proper grown up blog…!
    Welcome back – I’ve been anxious for you…so I am now as relieved as, no doubt, all the rest of your followers are!

  • Donna

    My brain spends all night conjuring up ways that I’ll need to deal with catastrophic worse case scenarios for everything from work confrontation to grocery shopping. The problem is that the worst case never every happens but in the middle of the night planning how I’d deal with a gun totting mad man in a road rage incident seems a priority for my brain.

    If only my arse was as well worked out as my brain.

  • Heidi D

    So glad you were able to get your blog sorted & back up. Just for future reference your blog does make a difference. On many occasions when I have been having a rough day it has been your blog that has given me something to smile about & I’m sure I’m not the only one.

  • Kelly is an angel! Here’s to new beginnings! AND “You Matter”. Xx

  • Murf Lorraine Arndell

    So glad to see you back.

  • JP

    When is your brain going to work out what the rest of us already know….. you’re tops?!

    But I know what you mean – my mind can also go from calm to catastrophe in 35 seconds.

    We all need to take care of ourselves.

  • Our brains are meant default that way so you are not alone in that but big kudos to you for remembering how to stave off the panic attack.
    I’m a bit of believer in “sometimes we have to NEARLY lose something to know how much it really means to us”
    Methinks you KNOW not only how much your wonderful blog means to you but to us as well.
    So glad Kelly’s ‘someone who doesn’t rest till it’s fixed’ .. she’s a good one that lady! D xxx

  • So glad it’s sorted! Wish I had emailed you – I think you’re awesome. New beginnings 🥂

  • Yay! You’re back! Anxiety Girl wins again. x

  • Selina

    I know what you meant- but just to be clear.. your blog does indeed change lives!

    You brighten my day and make me giggle and snort laugh, get me thinking & while I can’t speak for anyone else here, we all keep showing up so we must be getting something good that makes it worth our time to do that?!:)
    Xx