The Luxurious Period

What do these four items have in common?

According to the Australian Government, they are all considered to be luxury items. This week the Greens were unsuccessful in trying to remove the GST on sanitary products, arguing that we are being penalised for simply existing.

Us Aussie sheilas spend 300 million dollars a year trying to stem the flow, and 30 million of that ends up in the governments pocket. I cannot believe that there is a better deal for them! Earning money off our natural bodily functions, well it is just fucking genius don’t you think?

“Periods are not a luxury, and sanitary items are not luxury items. They are necessities,” so says Senator Larissa Waters who also describes the tax as “opportunistic” and “sexist”. Now I know for a fact that you cannot argue with idiots and both the Labor and Liberal party are littered with them, so lets take a practical look at the joy that it is to be a woman.

The Luxury Period Novella

“Oh how luxurious” She thought to herself as she woke up in the middle of the night with the feeling of ten thousand tiny ninjas slaying into her uterus. Although still half asleep, she made her way into the bathroom where she opened her beautiful bathroom cabinet. She admired her beautiful manicure as she extracted two (taxed) Naprogesic tablets from their little plastic prison. She swallowed those magic pills before heading to the kitchen.

Being such an affluent woman, she found her hot water bottle. As the kettle boiled, she clutched her brekky and reflected on the richness of menstruation. Once her hot water bottle was full, she retired back to bed for a few hours of opulent cramping.

As the sun rose, the floodgates opened to greet the dawn of a new day. Staggering again, back to the bathroom, the woman once again opened her bathroom cabinet. For it was time to treat herself!

“How luxurious!” she thought as she carefully unwrapped her spectacular tampon. Holding it up into the light coming through her bathroom, she noticed the craftsmanship that had gone into making her lavish tampon. “Oh go on,” her mind told her “You deserve that treat. You have earned it.”

She skilfully slipped the sanitary product up into her vagina. She realised that it was kind of a shame that one of her most wondrous and precious possessions cannot actually be shared with all the world. But she had a certain sense of smugness, knowing that she was just so lucky to have such a deluxe, sought after, high-end possession up her clacker.

Life is a special gift. Our heroine got to repeat this experience several times a day for several days in a now. Now having splashed out for the tampons, being the ultimate luxury, sometimes she questioned her investment into these statement items. Sometimes they failed her.

“Oh for fuck sake!” she would mutter under her breath in the work toilet cubicles when she would discover that her flow had beaten the point of the tampon. Luckily, she was affluent enough to carry a spare pair of reg grundies in her Chanel bag. The evidence of tampon fail was filed into the pale blue sanitary bin. Pale blue because that is the opposite of bright red. And we all know that menstrual blood is indeed, actually blue.

But she was grateful. She was an affluent woman working in the call centre of a large, insurance company. She was grateful for the income so she could indulge her extravagant hobby of selecting superior tampons. She was saving up for the most lusted after item that all the “IT” girls were flaunting in the bathrooms. She had pinned a photo of one to her inspiration board.

Oh my! The ultimate. The Tampax Pearl. Well, a gal has got to dream big, don’t you think?

Do you think tampons and pads are luxurious?

 

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  • Vicki Rogers

    OMG now I’ve heard it all! Well lucky I have not needed that luxury item for 11 years but i’d sure like a new luxury handbag!

    • You will have to pay tax on that!

  • I have been going on about this since the GST was first applied. When the fuck was that? I am gonna share this with my Federal Bloke. Won’t make any difference but ho hum. Know it’s a messy messy thought, but if a multitude of bleeding women descended on Canberra sans sanitary products and left their mark on the chairs in Parliament house, then that’d be making our voice heard, or seen or something.

  • Tracey

    Luxury is hardly the word I would use. And we all know if men got periods tampons, pads and the pill would be free.

  • Donna

    Loooove it. Have printed and posted it up in my workplace.

    You know men are in charge when it is such a simple thing to fix but its not fixed.

    Any pollies reading this – We know the barriers to change are as artificial as our smiles during menstration. Just fix the bloody thing………..

    • Wow~ Thanks so much for sharing my work! xx

  • Suzanne Hegarty

    Maybe the politicians believe that condoms can be used as a substitute?

  • Sally Rose

    Nuh. Remove the GST you Men.

  • Heidi D

    I seriously don’t know how they can justify calling tampons & pads a luxury ! I consider myself lucky to be able to afford to buy them. After following the work of “Share the dignity” I have been made aware of the fact that lots of homeless women are using loo paper or an old sock. That teenage girls in some areas are missing school because they can’t afford sanitary products. Instead of making it a bit easier keeping a tax on tampons just makes it harder.

  • Gah! We are living in a stupidocrasy run by men.

  • margaretanne_rowe

    Best.Post.Ever

  • Maybe I could train my vag into thinking it is luxurious after this post!!

    • You should tell it that it is special every day!

  • Lifeandlentils

    I dodged the GST by buying a mooncup from the UK. Best $40 I have ever spent. It’s up to it’s 8th year of action and is going strong. I now find tampons and pads a bit yuck. All that being said I totally agree that GST on sanitary products is ludicrous and it makes me mad and squirmy.

  • kerryac

    Brilliant post!! – I am unfortunately (?!) missing out on my monthly luxuriating as I had an ablation (GST free I think!) Oh well, just have to spend my luxury money on other things like food and power!

  • In NZ, you can get condoms on prescription, long has been the fight for sanitary products to be available the same way. An interesting debate.
    I think sanity products should be Gst free, I think they should be cheaper & some sort of cash back for reusable products like cloth pads & diva cups. But that’s just my opinion…