Things of some concern……

As another year comes shuddering to an end – i am beside myself. I am getting old , getting grey eyebrows and getting panicky. I have a kid starting school next year. I remember starting school myself back in 1979. Jesus. It is times like this I realise I am far to immature and selfish to be in charge of other people’s lives. I am also not a rules girl, and enjoy taking the easy option in all facets of life ( ie. having a cleaner, having cesareans after 2 unplanned pregnancies, enjoying the spoils from the good people of Domino’s home delivery) and from what i can tell, going to kindergarten in 2009 is a myriad of rules and regulations.

Back in 1979, if you were relatively nit free and remembered to put your undies on in the morning, you were considered gifted.

The pack that was given to us on the Information Night contained the following (not all of it, some was chucked out in the great car spring-clean of October)

Canteen Info – A cheery note from the manager complete with 6 bullet points on how an order is to be placed. The menu is also there, and none of the food looks very fun. It is a bit fancy though – if I could work out the complicated ordering system, I may avail myself to regular lunches there. Smoked salmon, avocado and cream cheese Turkish toast for $3.50?? You could not buy the ingredients for that. I will pass on the carrot crudites and fruit sticks though.

School Uniform Info – Including exactly how many pairs of socks you will need. We never had a fleece lined rain jacket, skort or sleeveless vests options. We did not have to wear a hat!

A map of the playground. – An intricate affair complete with zones, nooks and quiet corners. I also notice a lack of teacher’s smoking conveniences that were always a part of a well thought out school ground.

Preparing your Child for School – A very detailed booklet to help you guide your kid not to be an asshole. Favourite points include:

  • Say own name
  • Be curious about the world
  • Answer and ask simple questions

George Bush was able to do these things – all of them! He is still an asshole.

Info Sheet – Pink in colour with IMPORTANT written across the top. A questionnaire for parents to fill in on what your kids can already do. Was due in last September. Language other than English??? Yes, screaming tantrum.

Kindergarten Stationary Order form – my favourite here is the large box of tissues and large tub of wet wipes you need. Jesus. This is a school, not a brothel.

Kindergarten Commencement Procedures – just the title gives me an ulcer. 4 pages. too much to even share with you.

A Parent Information Booklet – roughly the size of the Yellow Pages. You can opt for your child to study Ba’Hai during Religious Instruction – Tick. You may only park for 5 minutes in the kiss and drop zone. Police may be called if you forget to pickup your kid. Plus forty three thousand other interesting points.

Bullying and How to Fight It – a poorly titled flyer (we all know you never try and fight the bully) which attempts to stamp out the time honoured tradition.

A parents guide to self-medicating with alcohol, – a handy leaflet to assist you in working out all the crap that goes along with sending a kid to a public school.

So there you have it. The institution I like to call FREE DAY CARE is not all rosy. It just seems that life just keeps heaping responsibilities onto you until you finally crack, or at least sign up to do canteen duty. Now that is something I can put my hand on my heart and swear I will never do.

I will however be VERY involved in forgetting homework, getting sports days mixed up and sending my kid to school even if he has the chicken pox. Now that is dedication.