One of my best friends is pregnant and due tomorrow. As it has been a long time since I have had a newborn in my midst in a continuing fashion, this is something I am truly excited about. Am feeling rather clucky.

The other thing I have been excited about is baby shopping with her. In particular, inspecting the products that have popped up in the marketplace in the past 4 years that are deemed not only necessary, but imperative. If you do not buy these, then you are doing your baby untold harm.

So I give you the Top Five Most Useless Products @ Babies Galore.

Stretch Mark Minimizing Cream

If this were true, wouldn’t everyone use it?? I needed it before I got pregnant! I do know a few chicks that did not end up with a tummy looking like a road map, but they were never going to get them. Their skin was all elasticky and they had a six-pack to start with.

Baby Einstein Videos

Before coming the CEO of Woogworld, I worked for a publishing company developing books for kids. One area we looked at was infant development. We concluded that you were better off spending the $29.95 on a monthly subscription to Foxtel. At least you can watch E! in the middle of the night while you are trying to get bubs off to sleep. Total Crock of Shite.

Dreambaby Air Humidifier Egg

Get an air conditioner – it is hot. It is humid. Can you imagine if you asked your gran to get this for you?? She would tell you to shove it and give you a bottle of gin.

Piss Training Ladder

We were given this – which looked great! Especially if you like ice-packing little faces and cleaning up piss from the floor.

Embarrassing Dog-like leads

Because it is just too hard to hold hands with someone when you cross the road.

The things I have advised my dear friend to invest in include the following:

Coffee Holder – very practical and sensible

To keep you connected to the life line during the day. Like an intravenous drip.

Taser Gun

Multipurpose item. Good for all the opinions you will get and in case your partner looks at you with lust.


No explanation needed.

Now that I have killed any chance of being a copywriter for a baby supply company, I wish my Divine Ms M all the best over the coming days and will welcome the newest addition to the Anne Geddes Calendar with a bottle of fizz outside the delivery room.