Dear Mr President

I am a suburban housewife from Sydney Australia. You may think we do not have much in common, but in all due respect, you could not be more wrong.

In fact, I do believe you could learn a few things from me about running such a diverse and conflicted community.


Congratulations on your amazing achievement this week. Yes it is a big fucking deal! Here in Woogworld, we find ice packs and nurofen a cost effective way of keeping expenditure on health at a minimum. We have had a spike in recent years in the mental health sector, but have found vodka works well. We also have great concerns regarding the obesity epidemic but that is a whole other charter.

As we see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding the GFC, we can all relax about our job security. Personally I had my fingers crossed that I would be made redundant as CEO of Woogworld, but they could not find a willing replacement. I advise you to end your conflict in Iraq, it is costing way too much. We encourage hand to hand combat without expensive equipment here. See Icepack and Nurofen Strategy as previously documented.

We have a window permanently opened in the kids bathroom as to prevent the great overnight cat shit on the couch incident of Feb 2010.
You have a more rigid take on homeland security. I am willing to meet with Janet Napolitano to discuss strategies that have worked in our community regarding gaining information, especially from Gitmo detainees.

Exhibit One – Torture Methods
Like me, Do not be lulled into thinking these would be comfortable. Destined for Ebay after 3 wears. Supplied by Country Road.

Exhibit Two – Torture Methods
Wiggles Concerts are easily accessible via live shows and DVDs. Effective and monotonous. Highly Recommended.

Exhibit Three – Torture Methods
Available Monday to Friday 6am-9am.

I hope you have found some of these tips helpful. I know we were all disappointed you and Michelle could not make it down under this month. Therese had had the couches steam-cleaned in you honour. An open invitation is extended to you to discuss these points in detail should you find a space in your schedule.

Let’s Talk.

Warmest wishes,
Mrs Woog