Eat Pray Love Sleep Eat Drink Smoke Sleep

Just back from my week’s cultural tour of Bali. Having read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love, I had it in my head that I would do a lot of spiritual reflection, yoga and meditation (neither of which I had ever done before) and healthy eating with no alcohol. A kind of cleanse both inside and out. I would return to Woogworld ready to face all that life throws at me. I had actually booked myself into a full day workshop doing chanting and meditation before I left home, such was my enthusiasm.

One day later, cut to me – flat on my back by the pool, mohito in one hand and this little beauty in the other.

Now, if this book is not the strongest sales pitch to the marketing department at Depends Pads, then I do not know what is. I was lizzing* each time I picked it up. She is my new hero. (Sorry Oprah) . Go Buy Read Love, or I will send you my copy if you are skint. It is just really important that you read it.

This is also worthwhile – not funny haha, but honest and insightful and interesting. She is brilliant. If you have ever had a baby and gone back to work too early, (Hello??) this will be like looking in a mirror. I do disagree with Juanita about getting rid of the dishwasher. Maybe all the steam from her pressure cooker has got to her head and hampered decision making skills. Maybe, but the woman speaks the truth.

Also kept myself amused by watching Mr Woog continue on his merry journey towards his early mid-life crisis while attempting to master his new obsession. Ever heard of Stand-Up Paddle boarding?? It is like surfing for dorks. With the benefit of a paddle. Much fun to watch………… for about 17 seconds.

Me? Well, in my swimmers, I looked and felt like the product of a steamy affair between a dugong and a walrus. But you know, in Bali, no one cares! Hanging out on Kuta one morning, I felt the urge to light up a durry, grab a can of Bintang, throw on a short strapless sundress and parade my corn-row hair and 3rd degree burns for all to appreciate.

We were invited to a cocktail party hosted by the General Manager of our hotel. At this same event last year, Mr Woog and myself took advantage of the open bar and eventually had to be escorted from the event. This year, the General Manager came up to us straight away and informed us that “last pour will be at 8pm.” We solemnly nodded in agreement before we really ramped up the refreshing.

We met a lovely new bride from the UK, with the delightful name of Margot Tomlinson-Smith. She was honeymooning with her new husband Stephen. She reminded my on a young Britney Spears in the looks department, and soon discovered having watched her down half a dozen pink drinks, she had more in common with Britney than just looks. I just loved her.

We ran into some friends, Monique and Tony, chefs and owners of the amazing Lochiel House restaurant in Kurrajong Heights, who had actually listened to Gurus along the way. They spend their holidays in an Ashram in Ubud, and actually got married this time! It seemed that love was all around us in Bali.

We dined with an old school friend of mine who has pulled up her Aussie stumps and moved with her family to Canguu – an extremely cool part of Bali that only allows really attractive people in. We were having a great time, until Mr Woog locked their keys in their car. The keys were in the ignition and the ignition was on. Did you know there is no such thing as the NRMA in Indonesia?? Anyway, she told me of an excellent over the counter sleeping pill you can purchase call Sweet Dreams which will take care of the hideous overnight flight home. I am still feeling the effects of this wonder drug right now. Sweet Dreams indeed!

So I look at the pile of washing and the general grossness and mess of my house and I think, What Would Chelsea Handler Do?

She would say very loudly “Fuck It.” and have a beer. So I too say “Fuck it” and put the kettle on. Far too early for beer here.

PS Thanks for the emails enquiring whether I had abandoned the World of Woog. Not abandoned it – just meditating – Woogworld Style. So much better.

*Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing. Thanks to Liz Lemon.