How Not to Act Old.

One of my favourite rituals, apart from squeezing my face and sorting the Tupperware drawer, is to check this very cool blog.

Pamela Redmond Satran has developed this helpful list that I am going to use as my bible as I glide elegantly into my Naughty Forties. Thank god I have a few years up my sleeve to study up on How Not To Act Old.

My favourite advice from her?

  • Stop covering up your underwear
  • Don’t fear porn
  • Don’t send greeting cards
  • Don’t listen to Springsteen
  • Quit bossing everyone around
  • Don’t cyber-stalk your children
  • Don’t fear the waxer
  • Screw the housework
  • Don’t be named Bob or Pat

I actually think I am too far gone. Mr Woog is ancient.

  • Mr Woog and I watch the news to see what the weather will be like the following day
  • Mr Woog and I enquire each morning how the other slept
  • I take a few minutes each morning to stretch out all my kinks in this old body of mine
  • I gargle with Listerine quite a bit
  • I sometimes have to have a Quick-Eze
  • My grey hair to brown hair ratio is diminishing
  • A late night is 11pm
  • Mr Woog rubs his hands with glee when presented with cherry strudel
  • Sometimes I wake Mr Woog up on a Thursday night to gently enquire whether he has put the bins out
  • I am friendly with the parking officers in our street
  • I sometimes listen to 2UE and agree with the callers
  • I actually own enough tupperware to have a dedicated drawer.

Please do not think ill of me. I am now aware of these disturbing behaviours and am going to do my best to correct them, goddammit. I am going to stop short of having a Horlicks before bed and will never ever buy Metamucil.