Double Edition of Saturdays with Saw Hole.


From the volume of conundrums facing Woogsworld readers this week, I put the pressure on Saw Hole to work double time to come up with crafty solutions to two separate but interesting problems. First up we have a young lass who is horning after her boss. I problem I have never had to face myself as all my male co-workers have been cretins. The second is a swimsuit issue, from a male reader in Sydney.

Departing with her infinite wisdom, we welcome back Saturdays with Saw Hole, the Agony Aunt who specialises political strategy and organic vegetable produce. Email your issue to [email protected] and breathe a little easier, knowing someone in looking out for you.

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Enjoy your Saturday! (with Saw Hole)

Dear Sawhole

I began my job a few weeks ago and have now got a massive crush on my boss.
I am 25 years old and he is 45. At work I turn into a complete idiot.

What should I do? Will it pass? Should a resign? Has this ever happened
to you and how did you deal with it.

Amanda
Melbourne

Dear Amanda,

Saw Hole is not a fan of inter-office relationships.

Many years and lots of kilograms ago, Saw Hole embarked upon two such relationships and it all went to shit. D.O N.O.T G.O T.H.E.R.E! Did you hear me?

It is like the rule you never let your workmates see you in your swimmers, the same goes with them seeing you in your undies. If I am not explaining this well, I will refer to one of my early-2000s heroes, Bridget Jones.

Daniel Cleaver: Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.

Bridget: Jesus. Fuck.

Daniel Cleaver: No, no. Don’t apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.

You either get yourself together or it will slowly get out of control. You will either get pissed and make an idiot of yourself by declaring your undying love or you will do the rumpy pumpy with him and then it will get really strange. Or his wife will start calling you at work.

Besides you are 25 years old. Get out there girl. Forget the old ones. I am sure your boss takes fibre supplements and starting to lower his blood cholesterol. You would do well to remember this. Every time you walk past his desk remind yourself of his penchant for fibre supplements.

God Bless you Amanda. Do not make the same mistakes that Saw Hole made at your age. Do not get your meat where you earn your bread.

Kind Regards, Saw Hole.

and now for something totally different………………………..

I have a need for your advice and here is my question. I have recently taken up swimming at the Ian Thorpe Aquatic Centre and need to ask – what is the rule on wearing boardies v budgies? I am a + size and wear the boardies but seem to be the only one. Am I weird for not conforming to budgies or do +size men need more cover? Or do I need to wear some sort of 1920’s style bathing suit?

Thanks for your help.
Michael

Dear Michael,

Get OUT now! You have accidentally attended a meeting of the Young Liberals. Run before you see their Patron Saint, Tony Abbott, in his budgies!

Seriously stop going to this pool.In my slimmer days, I was also a swimmer. I found Cook and Phillip to be a happy medium and there is a spa there as well for when you get lazy. In fact, my friend and I were actually chatted up there once so you might get lucky as well. Cook and Phillip is my pick of the inner city pools.

There’s also that pool near Sydney Uni, which should be fine if you don’t mind sharing the pool with people whose only occupation is as a Wilderness Society Koala (not that there is anything wrong with being a mascot).

Saw Hole says keep your boardies on and head to a new pool. Those tossers at Ian Thorpe are obviously hoping to get some of the Thorpey magic by swimming in his pool. This will never happen because Thorpey doesn’t even swim in his own pool.

Yours In Plus Size Solidarity,

Saw Hole.