Mrs Woog goes to Hospital

I don’t know much about anything (but I DO know a lot about cheesecake). I also know that karma is a bitch and works in unusual ways. I also know that bad things happen to good people.

On Monday morning, my mother in law (not surprisingly called Mrs Woog) took a spectacular and catastrophic tumble down a steep flight of stairs at Chateau De Woog. She was flown in glamorous style by helicopter to hospital, which is the one I can see from my front verandah. After a bit she was diagnosed with a broken eye socket, two broken wrists, three broken ribs and 3 cracked vertebrae in her neck. Ouch? Shit yeah.

She is in the medical profession herself, and apparently these types make the worst patients. But not Mrs Woog Sr. She has delighted the entire staff and is getting great care. I love nurses. AMEN.

I went to visit her the day after some marathon surgery and been warned she did not look like the Mrs Woog pre flying attempt. And I did get a bit of a shock when I saw her. She had not seen herself yet, so I whipped out the iPhone and took a photo and showed it to her. We both agreed it was not her best look.

I have since been visiting her daily while she recovers. On the second day I was walking down the extremely grim corridor when I heard a voice coming from a patients room and my blood turned to ice. Could it be? Yes it was.

Holy mother of god. I had not thought about that old cow for years until I wrote about her this week, and there she was, bitching to all the nurses. Over the past few days I have warned the nurses not to turn their back on her, lest they cop a full bed pan being hurled at the back of their heads. But I should not be mean…. I wish her a speedy recovery…………………. kind of. Karma.

Now in typical current NSW Labor Party style, this hospital was GRIM. GRIM! And as Mrs Woog Sr commented, it was equipment free! So when I asked for another table to put the ever increasing loads of flowers that were being delivered, I was kind of laughed at. So they sit on the floor where she cannot see them.

A bit of contrast to the nasty pale blue/green interior.

Either side of Mrs Woog’s room are occupied by men. Norman is to the right and spends most of his time yelling out. Not about anything in particular. Just noise making. The nurses found him this morning lying on the call button, such was his need to get attention. On the other side is an elderly bull-rider who chose the wrong beast to compete on at a rodeo a while back. He is quiet and charming and is spending a few months putting his pelvis back together. They do not call this the trauma ward for nothing…. and I think Victoria is in there to create trauma for the staff….. no really, I wish her a speedy recovery.

I went downstairs today to fetch a few magazines so we could play “I want to buy that”. The Volunteer Old Lady Brigade had set up a cake stall, with variety unlike I had ever seen before. I am making a mental note that this little fundraising drive occurs each Thursday, so that is where I will be from now on after I drop Woogettes off to school.

When I got back up to the room, a handful of doctory types were in her room, and Mrs Woog was insisting that she was indeed going home today. I looked at her with her neck brace on and two plastered arms up in slings and shook my head. Not today Mrs Woog!

We flicked through mags. I asked her whether we could come up with a more exciting excuse for her accident. I mean falling down the stairs???? Come On! Cliche!

She suggested a skiing accident. I thought maybe a motor bike accident. but then we both agreed. She came home late to find her house being ransacked by bikies and she fended them off with her bare hands. They have since been taken into custody.

And of course there is a long recovery ahead. I am compiling a list of good online shops for her to visit and we think it is a good idea to send herself a present everyday. That is therapy as far as I am concerned. We also think we can contact Napoleon Perdis to see whether he is interested in using her in his next ad campaign.

But we are all just so lucky and grateful to have her. She is the most selfless person I know. And although she will now be a bit more cautious around stairs, she still has her spirit of love, fun and making the best of a very bad situation.

We Love You Mrs Woog! (Sr)