This I know for sure…..

  • If you leave the kids breakfast bowls out on the bench with leftover weetbix in them to bake in the direct sun all day, you ain’t ever shifting that crud and may as well throw the whole fucking thing in the bin.
  • The woman you have a minor road rage incident over a carpark at the supermarket , will turn out to be the new Kindy Class mum.
  • The moment you finish mopping the kitchen floor, a stupid baby magpie will wander in and get itself all worked up and fly around bashing into windows and crapping EVERYWHERE.
  • When you are really craving a chicken salad wrap you have none of the ingredients to make one.
  • When your anxiety about your kids having had nits make your head itchy all the time so despite treatment, you put off going to the hairdresser and grow an inch of grey hair. And when you finally have to go, you have a quiet word with the new hairdresser about perhaps there is a slight chance you may have nits but if you do, please do not scream it out in the crowded salon. And she looks at you with horror. And it turns out you are nit free.
  • When you wake up the morning after a bit of a night out and need to do an after grog bog, only to discover sitting down that there is not toilet paper or tissue so your son goes next door and announces that Mum is doing a poo and can we have a roll of toilet paper. ( I am never leaving the house again)
  • When, despite insisting to your mum that we want to wait a while before we get Harry another cat, she gives him a kitten for his birthday and totally pulls out the Grandma card.
  • After you fork out a squllion dollars for 2 new pairs of swimming goggles because you cannot find the other ones, the other ones magically appear.
  • When your husband insists the new motorbike will not interfere with any family weekend time, he fucks off on it for the day and leaves his phone behind to record the ever increasingly nasty messages from me.
  • That when you give your son a totally normal name like Jack, he will only answer to Taylor.

I am sure I can think of more, but that is my list from today so far.