I am very very busy today.

7am

Woke as normal to Mr Woog bringing me in my morning coffee. The house was unusually still. I lay in bed and watched the news. I mentally went through what I was doing with my day. Mr Woog asks “What have you got on today?” and I reply with my usual “I am very very busy today.” which seems to satisfy him. He leaves for work and I rise.

7.15am

A putrid smell tinges the air coming from the bathroom. I discover our kitten Chuey has suffered from an upset tummy overnight. I will not go into details because I am a lady. Suffice to say that the aroma will remain with me for years to come. Watch Harry pour the kitten a bowl of milk, thus answering my concerns about why the kitten had suffered from the trots. Explain to Harry that kittens cannot drink cows milk. He asks why. I show him the litter tray. Harry pours the milk down the sink. I clean up mess. I dry wretch.

7.30am

Make kids breakfast. I look at my new kikki.K weekly planner, smug in the knowledge that I was on track and this bit of paper was going to save my life. Lovingly ad helpful notes my myself like Take Kids To School, just to make sure I seem busy.

Make kids lunches while we chat over cereal. Check what extra stuff needs to be packed for the day. It is Tuesday which means no one has anything on and I have saved myself half an hour trying to track down library books or permission slips.

8.15am

Remember that the cleaners are coming today so start cleaning for the cleaners. Discover that Mr Woog has used my wallet as an ATM so make a mental note to go to the bank after I drop the kids off to school. Ask the kids to get changed for school.

8.16am

Ask kids to get changed for school.

8.17am

Switch bloody Sponge Bob Square Pants off and demand that everyone gets ready for school and today I WILL BE CHECKING THAT YOU HAVE UNDERWEAR ON.

8.18am

Open the clothes hamper to put load of washing on to find all the school clothes (2 uniforms each) under a stinky pile of fouled gym clothes belonging to Mr Woog which had been marinating them all overnight with the assistance of a sopping towel. Swear a bit.

8.19am

Pull out all school uniforms and hang them on the clothes rack and spray them all with Chanel No 5. Smell them again and realise they now smell worse. Chuck in washing machine on fast cycle.

8.32am

Put clothes into the dryer. Get kids prepped in their undies, socks and shoes with bags and hats at the door.

8.33am

Jack sweetly asks me whether I had the stuff we needed for the Easter Hat making session on in his classroom. Assure him that I will have it. Go to computer and open last school newsletter which is sitting in my inbox redundantly. Open it. Read that indeed this session was on at 9.30am today. Swear while I change out of my tracksuit pants and coffee stained t-shirt. Devise a new plan.

8.45am

Put hot and slightly damp clothes on the kids with them protesting a plenty. Decide I do not have time to take them to school and then go to the shop and then get back in time for 9.30am, when the classroom will be filled with groomed mums making sweet Easter bonnets. Decide to take them to the bus stop, chuck them on the bus, drive the to $2 shop, buy shit, go directly to the school and make hat.

8.47am

Get kids to the car when we discover a very very sick bird had shat all over the driver’s side window. Dry wretch plenty. Worry about how that sick bird is. Jack refuses to get into the car because of the offending crap. Go back into house and get paper towel. Smear the crap around a bit. Go get the Spray & Wipe. Done. On the way to the bus-stop Jack tells me he wants a pink and purple glittery disco Easter Hat.

8.55am

Slow car down slightly so the kids can alight with little chance of danger. Scream at one of the bus mums asking her to put the kids on the bus for me.

9.03am

Get park right outside the $2 shop and grab supplies. Happy to see many other mums in the $2 shop also grabbing supplies. Internally implode when I find I have left my wallet at home. Drive home.

9.15

Pay for supplies and drive to school thinking I should have gone to the bank while I was there.

9.30am

Make the shit out of the Pink and Purple Glittery Disco Easter Hat. Convince one of the mums to take a photo of it and MMS it to my iPhone, which is sitting on the kitchen bench at home.

10.15am

Have a coffee with Barb. Tell her what a shithouse morning it has been.

10.40am

Come home to more kitten putridness and a message on my phone from Australian Hearing asking me to call and reschedule Jack’s hearing test which was supposed to be at 9.30am. Resist urge to shred weekly planner.

10.45am

Get call from Mr Woog asking me how my day is going. Resist urge to hang up on him.

10.47am

Blog

11.32am

Finish blog. Going to go and finish cleaning for the cleaner then spend the rest of the day reading back issues of the school newsletter with a pen in one hand and my weekly planner in the other. I might also have a little cry.