An Open Letter to Mrs Woog

Dear Mrs Woog,

It has come to my attention that you made a visit to the Googleplex.
In addition, it has also come to my attention that you noted several employee benefits, specifically free food and massages and sleep pods.

As a result, I have joined the Minion Union and have a statement of claim for you:
1. Request moving sleeping quarters from the laundry to inside the house.
2. For Harry to clean up the guinea pig cage because after all, they are his pets.
3. When you watch Oprah, SawHole wishes to nap.
4. No more grabbing my bottom and attempting to give me wedgies. My body, myself.
5. Your neighbours describe you as very nice. They say I am very downtrodden. This upsets me.

Please resolve.
I note your efforts in securing suite filled with lollies from Wanderlust at the Aussie Blog Conference and I appreciate that with all my body and soul.

Also I no longer agree to take a slow boat to China to secure merchandise. On the last trip the following happened:
  • We accidentally drifted towards America and the customs people did a full cavity search on me. All they found was a copy of Grazia.
  • As I did not speak the language, so my only friend was a mouse called Wally.
  • I don’t fish so I had to survive on Wizz Fizz.

Next time I request doing the job over the Internet.
That’s all. Happy Meals do not cut it anymore.
Over and out.
SawHole.