I suppose I am a mummy blogger. I have kids. I blog. That is fine with me. But I am also take the piss out of things, so I could be called a Shit Stirring blogger. And I love wine and food, so I could be called a Foodie Blogger. I write about cats and leopard print a fair bit, so yes, you may address me as a Feline Blogger as well.
Despite my mum and Mr Woog constantly telling me not to pick my skin, I have just enjoyed ten minutes of “self facialling” with the aid of my fingers and a magnifying mirror in the sun. So now I am a beauty blogger as well.
But mainly I am a mummy blogger.
Last week, this scruffy Mummy Blogger took a wrong turn and ended up at a Beauty Blogger party thrown by my favourite make up brand Benefit. They threw open the doors of their trez-chick salon in Paddington. Paddington is a place you go when you want to feel really fat and ugly. And unstylish. Do not go there when you are PMSing for god’s sake. It will be a while before your confidence will recover.
I dashed into a room full of strangers, which is always fun. Benefit were celebrating the release of their spanking new ultra shiny skin care line called b.right as well as the fact that it has been ten years since Benefit has been in Australia. PLUS Maggie and Annie, who are the glamazonian daughters of the founders, were there to chat beauty and brightness to the gathered press and bloggers.
Now the difference between Beauty Bloggers and Mummy Bloggers are as vast as my wrinkled epidermis. First up, Beauty Bloggers know that is is cool not to arrive exactly on time. They are young, really young. Like 20. They have smooth glowing skin because they know about all the latest products and treatments. And they are 20. And do not yet have kids.
Beauty Bloggers talk in lovely hushed tones and ask intelligent questions. Beauty Bloggers have nice handbags. Beauty Bloggers enjoy a glass of champagne before switching to mineral water. Beauty bloggers do not eat much. Beauty bloggers greet each other with lovely air kisses and gentle hugs. Beauty Bloggers wear daring shades of lipstick that make them look trendy, not clownish. Beauty Blogger’s Blogs are beautiful.
Mummy Bloggers greet each other with extreme squealing. I think it is because we are just so fricking glad to get out of the house. Skin is varied, depending on time and genetics. You can maybe spot a few cases of cystic acne due to hormones. Mummy Bloggers talk in loud screeches, peppered with chortles and swear words. Mummy bloggers enjoy a glass of champagne, then another few glasses before switching up to wine. And then a kebab.
Beauty Bloggers appreciate good service.
Beauty Bloggers do not appreciate heckling from a tipsy old Mummy Blogger.
“Oi! Where’s the map of Tassie?”
And when you whisper to someone “What the fuck is an Aesthetician?” during the speeches, you will receive a few gasps. I have since found out that an aesthetician is like an obstetrician, but for your face.
What sort of blogger are you really?
