How a Chupa Chup can save the day!

Yesterday was totally mundane. I made love to the washing machine all day basically. I kissed it each time it finished a cycle without crapping it’s dacks. I think it was 6 loads all up. That is what happens around here of you ignore stinky piles of clothes for a few days. You get punished.

Ah the glamorous life of a stay at home mum.

I picked up the Woogettes and decided that it really was time for some haircuts. They have both inherited my extreme hair, minus the silvery highlights. We parked out the front of Martin the Barbers and luckily there was no one waiting. Trust me. Both of these occurrences are extremely rare. I think the Domestic Goddess was smiling down on me for all of the washing I had done all day.

The Parasite Goddess too, was pleased with me as Martin did not jump back and scream in horror as he began to cut Harry’s mop. This has occurred in the past. I hung out with Jack and he told me about his day at school. His two best friends are divine non-English speaking Chinese girls plus our neighbour from down the road Mia, who is as a tomboy as Jack is a princess. It is an unlikely gang. God knows what they get up to during lunch time. Jack likes them because they do not argue with him and they do as he says. He tells me this is because they do not speak “the langwitch” I then pointed out to him that despite not speaking the “langwitch” they are both far better readers than he is and both play musical instruments. And he should enjoy his time as gang leader as I do not think it will last very long……

Then Jack went in for his chop and I sat outside the barber shop with a coffee and the paper.

A man came along with a pram. Martin called out he would be about ten minutes, so the man sat down next to me. We started to chat. His boy looked about 3 but was in fact 16 months. I mean this bubba was HUGE and had the longest hair ever. The dad explained to me that this was because the kids screamed the place down every time they had attempted to cut it. I nodded along knowingly, as someone who had also been down that frustrating path.

And then the Dad basically burst into tears, as much as Dad’s do when sitting outside a barber’s shop talking to a stranger.

He was not coping with fatherhood.

I was all like “holy jesus dude don’t you have a mate to talk to?” and told him it gets easier.

He went on to tell me his story. He was 44 and his wife was 42. They had not planned to have kids ever, so when this surprise came along they thought, OK then. We are going to be parents-YAY!

They both worked full time and were at the top of their game professionally and they just had no idea how much a baby would impact on their lives. They fought all the time. They never slept. Their baby had eczema. Their baby did not like getting haircuts. Their baby screamed in the car, the bath, the pram and the high-chair. Their baby was a fussy eater.

He was looking to me for some comfort. For me to tell him that what he was going through was extreme. Well it just was not extreme. “That is all totally normal” I told him. Or normal according to me anyway…..

I should have had them when I was younger.” He said.

I pointed out to him that I did not think it really mattered when you have your kids. They are still going to be a highly stressful mystery. I went on to explain that I had Harry when I was 30 when I was living out in the Western Suburbs and I was considered ancient. I had Jack when I was 32 here in the northern suburbs, where I was a considered a spring chicken. I told him that in my head, I still felt too irresponsible to have ,and often wonder how I manage to keep them alive and thriving day in and day out.

I hate giving advice to people who do not ask. So I didn’t. Except for when it was his kid’s turn to have his haircut. I told my new friend to sit on the chair. I put the wriggly baby/toddler onto his lap. I covered them both up with the cape. I gave the non-sleeping, fussy eating, eczema growing, dream crusher a chupa chup from my bag.

Martin started to cut the kids hair. The kid did not scream and his dad smiled at me.

And then I took my own adorable dream crushers home. And they crushed me a little bit more.