A letter to my husband

Dear Mr Woog,

It has been 5 days since you left. I got your message and I am sure glad you are enjoying Paris so much. Wandering the streets and eating bread and cheese and drinking wine sounds positively delightful.  Interspersed with naps and big plates of coq au vin I suspect.

How is the weather? I would sure hate it if it were pissing down with sleet.

Things here at WoogsWorld are ticking over quite well. There are a few things I have noticed since you have departed.  The house is much tidier.  The fridge is much fuller.  I am not doing 3 loads of washing a day.  The toilet roll has not had to be changed yet,  although I sure do miss the empty roll that greets me each morning.

It is strange not waking to a festy plate that has been thoughtfully placed ON TOP of the dishwasher.

The kids are good.  They are enjoying eating toast in front of the TV for dinner.  Except for last night when Harry and I decided to make butter chicken from a jar. It was nasty. Jack chucked the bestest tanty this morning when we were on the way to school as he had it in his head that he was delivering a speech to the entire school about the Tooth Fairy and he had left it on the kitchen table. I was at the cafe when this occurred,  so I am now drinking a triple shot Jumbo,  which is going down a treat.

Harry has moved into the study and has declared he needs his own space. I an inclined to think the same.

I thought of you yesterday.  I was sitting at my desk attempting to write a sponsored post on air fresheners while you were probably at some charming little bistro.  A large white French Standard poodle stopped out the front of the house and took a massive dump,  which the owner thoughtfully left. I took a bag out and cleaned it up,  and checked your garden, relieved to find no plants have been stolen. Doug says hi.

I had to delete MotoGP from the Foxtel IQ as it clashed with Australia’s Next Top Model. Sorry.

I am sure you have spent hours searching for the perfect orange leather handbag that I requested. Thank you for that.

Anyway my love,  best be off.  Enjoy your time in Paris and when you return (which is during the school holidays………) do not be alarmed to find the house empty.  Chuy, Fooey and XO are at the boarding kennels and me and the kids will be up at the Sunshine Coast.

No shit.

Much Love
Mrs Woog