Dear Friend,

With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose, I make this contact with you as I believe that you can be of great assistance to me. My name is Mr. Drissa Pascal from Ouagadougou Republic of BURKINA FASO, West Africa . Presently i work in the African development Bank as telex manager.
I do not know whether this is your correct email address or not because I only used your name initials to search for your contact .In case you are not the person I am supposed to contact, please see this as a confidential message and do not reveal it to another person but if you are not the intended receiver, do let me know whether you can be of assistance regarding my proposal below because it is top secret.

I am about to retire from active Bank service to start a new life but I am sceptical to reveal this particular secret to a stranger. You must assure me that everything will be handled confidentially because we are not going to suffer again in life.

It has been 10 years now that most of the greedy African Politicians used our bank to launder money overseas through the help of their Political advisers. Most of the funds which they transferred out of the shores of Africa were gold and oil money that was supposed to have been used to develop the continent. Their Political advisers always inflated the amounts before transfer to foreign accounts so I also used the opportunity to divert part of the funds hence I am aware that there is no official trace of how much was transferred as all the accounts used for such transfers were being closed after transfer.

I acted as the Bank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act; I also cleaned some of their banking records from the Bank files and no one cared to ask me because the money was too much for them to control. They laundered over $5b Dollars during the process .As I am sending this message to you, I was able to divert Eleven Million Five hundred thousand US dollars ($11.5m) to an escrow account belonging to no one in the bank. The bank is anxious now to know who the beneficiary to the funds is because they have made a lot of profits with the funds.

It is more than Eight years now and most of the politicians are no longer using our bank to transfer funds overseas. The ($11.5m) Eleven Million Five hundred thousand Dollars has been laying waste but I don’t want to retire from the bank without transferring the funds to a foreign account to enable me share the proceeds with the receiver. The money will be shared 60% for me and 40% for you.

There is no one coming to ask you about the funds because I secured everything. I only want you to assist me by providing a bank account where the funds can be transferred. You are not to face any difficulties or legal implications as I am going to handle the transfer personally. If you are capable of receiving the funds, do let me know immediately to enable me give you a detailed information on what to do.

For me, I have not stolen the money from anyone because the other people that took the whole money did not face any problems. This is my chance also to grab my own but you must keep the details of the funds secret to avoid any leakages as no one in the bank knows about the funds.

Please get back to me if you are interested and capable to handle this project

I shall intimate you on what to do when I hear from your confirmation and acceptance. If you are capable of being my trusted associate, do declare your consent to me.

Waiting for your urgent response.

Yours Faithfully,

Mr. Drissa Pascal

Dear Drissa,

You cannot begin to imagine how timely your kind offer is!  You see my landlord has just put my rent up by the most ridiculous amount per week, so much so there was a small mention of me having to get……. a job! So to receive your news is like a life saver.  For you see I have lost patience with most things and the only suitable employment I could think of was chicken sexing. Which sounds really rude and pervy but in fact it just involves catching chickens and looking at their genitals to determine whether they are male or female.

To be honest, neither chasing chickens or looking at their genitals appealed to me at all.

But I will not have to worry about doing chicken sexing once I have that eleventy billion dollars in my account.

And may I say congratulations on your upcoming retirement.  You say you are planning to start a new life? I was just talking about this with Mr Woog who has had it up to his nuts with living in Sydney.

The greedy African Politicians sound abhorrent! And as far as laundering, I bet I could teach them a thing or two about that. I do at least 2 loads a day.

I am to be pleased to be delighted as to assist in procuring the illegally gotten gains into my rather sad and lonely bank account. It is with great honour and gratitude that you would see fit to generously share in such a sum. I insist, when the time is right, that we break bread together and rejoice in our new found fortune. And then I shall get a boob job.

Consider this me, declaring my consent to you. Drissa Pascal.

Warm wishes and Wet Willies,

Mrs Woog.