Irony and the Absent Summer

A few weeks ago I walked into Seconds World and demanded the biggest air conditioner that was available for non commercial use.  We were coming off the back of a very steamy weekend. And. I. Just. Could. Not, Take. It. Anymore.

Mr Woog and I differ in more ways than we are the same,  but we both share a hatred of humidity. We have sweated through 5 summers at our house,  where sometimes things got so bad I sort relief where ever I could find it,  whether it be the neighbours pool or the cool room of the local bottle shop.

We requested to the landlord and Real Estate Agent that we came to some sort of arrangement to get a split system installed.  The landlord is a mean spirited asshole who lives overseas and counts the money that we put into his bank account each month hard to get into contact with and our pleas were ignored. For years. The Real Estate agent would not give us permission to install air conditioning without consent from the motherfucking tight ass owner. But in the end my need for cool air outweighed the need for following the terms of our lease and I put that mofo into the wall. Well not me personally.  But it is in and it is a thing of beauty.

And ironically we have had no need to turn it on,  because as soon as it was installed,  Mother Nature (who must know our landlord) turned off the heat.  But yesterday I had cause to turn the air conditioner on. TO HEAT THE HOUSE!

Never before have I longed for a stinking hot day.  The sort of day where I have to bring the Guinea pigs inside and give them a little swim in the bath.  A day where the kids come home from school the same colour as a tomato. A day where it is just to damn hot to go and get the mail. You know, the days where you walk around in your undies and nothing much else?  Those nights where you put cold washers on your kids faces and stick a fan onto them.

I want that day to come.

So I can crank up that mother and think all the angst was worth it.

Do you have air conditioning?
Do you want to kiss and fondle it?