CRAZY LOCO!

Pudgy hands not good for contacting

This morning I asked the boys to bring me their school bags so I could pack their lunches. I grabbed Harry’s, which was unusually heavy, opened it and asked him “What is this darling?”


It was 6 school books that needed to be covered in paper then contacted.  And it needed to be done by today. Thanks Harry! Of course I had no contact paper (sticky back plastic if you are reading from the UK) and I also had no time. Mr Woog had taken the car for the day so we had to walk to school and we needed to leave NOW. Luckily our route took us past a newsagent so my plan was to purchase the contact and do it at school.


The walk to school was about as pleasant as it gets with two small boys on scooters.


“MOVE TO THE SIDE JACK! YOU ARE GOING TO HIT THAT PRAM!!!”

“JESUS HARRY! DID YOU NOT SEE THAT CAR?”

“No, I do not know anyone who is 7 foot STOP JACK. JUST WAIT THERE!”

” Please stop asking me questions.”

All the while trying to avoid getting the back of my ankles whacked by those hard-as-fuck little wheels on a razor scooter. We reached the newsagents and with contact purchased, we were off to school.  As we walked through the school yard,  it was hard not to notice the sympathetic looks I got from the other mums.  The mum’s thinking “Oh that poor woman has not contacted her kid’s books…..” But none of those beeyotches offered to help.


LOOK AWAY IN SHAME! YES GODDAM IT. I AM DISORGANISED. BUT I AM DOING THE BEST I FRICKIN CAN.


I set myself up on a little table in Harry’s classroom. And lost my shit.

There are 3 main parts to contacting a book that will send me to an early grave.  One is trying to use your fingernails to prise the plastic from the waxy paper and not let the sticky side come into “contact” with another section of that sticky side.  This happened on the first two attempts and resulted in my scrunching the whole thing up and pegging it onto the floor.  The second issue is finishing and realising that  you have put the cover on the wrong way, upside down and back to front.

The third? Bastard air bubbles.

By the time I had reached the 5th book though,  I was getting rather good at it. My technique and speed had improved and I was starting to find it all very cathartic.  When I finished,  I even asked Harry’s Teacher, who we shall call The Unflappable Mr S, if there was some poor soul who had a bad mother who did not bother to contact their books,  as I had leftover contact and would be willing to keep going until I had used it all up.

So very, very unlike me.

He sent over a boy with his books.  But he had left the covers at home.

Another delightful girl bounded over carrying her pile of books which had been covered in the paper part,  and just needed the contact. BINGO BABY! LET ME SORT YOU OUT. I am ace at this contacting bit.

While I got to work,  The Unflappable Mr S came over and we started having a little chat.  I told him I used to be a primary school teacher,  He asked what I did not and I told him that I was a writer/blogger/housewife. And HE said he knew about the blog,  because they all read it in the staffroom.

My heart stopped.  I told him not to judge me on the content of WoogsWorld and please, for heaven’s sake, please do not call DOCS on me. I think I am safe…… think…

Anyway by this stage I was TOTALLY over contacting books and was making rookie errors like contacting WITHOUT labelling the book with the students name and subject.  So if you are the mother of a girl called Mia in The Unflappable Mr S’s class,  please forgive my air bubbles and crooked margins.

I was only trying to help. And you owe me a drink,

DOES CONTACT MAKE YOU CRAZY LOCO?