The Evil Among Us.

Growing up we had a miniature Schnauzer.  Her name was Pepper and still to this day out of all the dogs we had, she was the most pointless.  Not that any of the dogs were that useful come to think of it,  but Pepper was the least popular (apart my sister Paineful, she LOVED Pepper). 

Like most chicks,  Pepper got old and fat and stinky.  She continued to annoy all in the family with her stink until one day she annoyed the wrong bitch. In our collection of dogs we also had an ancient rottweiler called Lucy. We got Lucy from a chicken farm near Londonderry.  I am pretty sure that Lucy’s Mum and Dad were brother and sister…… But anyway,  Pepper pissed Lucy off to the point that Lucy inflicted such severe bodily harm on Pepper,  that it was touch and go for her for a while.

Meanwhile, Lucy was given the green dream as punishment. She was 14 and had no teeth.  It is still a mystery how the damage was done.  I suspect she was packing a blade or something,

Pepper stank on for another few years until one day she curled up on the back step. And died.

Ok so getting to the point of this blog post.

The area where we live is over-run by miniature schnauzers.  They are a very over represented breed here on the Lower North Shore.  We even have a car game we play. You get to scream SCHNAUZER when you see one.  It is an excellent game.

Yesterday,  Harry and I dropped Jack of to Ballet before heading to Frankins to do the grocery shopping. Quality one on one time right there.  We finished up and walked out to find a boxer dog tied up.  Since they were small,  the Woogettes have been taught how to approach a dog,  walking towards it with a fist outstretched as the gauge the friendliness of the animal.  The Boxer was beautiful and let us pat and smoosh her.  According to her tag,  her name was Sarah,  which I find a truly strange name for a canine. As we smooshed Sarah,  a lady with a pram walked past and tied a miniature schnauzer up near us and disappeared into Franklins.

I yelled SCHNAUZER and Harry headed over to it to give it a smoosh. He got within a foot of the dog,  with his fist outstretched when all of a sudden the Schnauzer sprung like a Jack in the Box and promptly attached itself to Harry’s leg. Harry reacted like he had been given a decent electric shock and jumped back.  He is a tough little dude and did not cry,  but I could tell he wanted to.

He is up to date with his shots. Thank god!  Nothing worse than getting attacked and THEN getting a needle to top it off.

So, in conclusion and in what is a wild generalisation, I now insist that all miniature schnauzers are complete assholes.

Have you ever been assaulted by an animal?
And birds shitting on your head DOES count.
  • Anonymous

    Assaulted by a mali-poo. Yes, a maltese toy poodle. Not my finest hour, and not my dog. Clearly, the dog has issues and no apparent appreciation for the fact that the scar he left has ultimately ruined my plus size leg modelling career! (or not…)

  • I got bitten by my aunty and uncle’s border collie on Christmas Day when I was 5. To top it off, I had to go to the emergency department at the local hospital and get a tetnus jab in my arse. Not my favourite Christmas by a long shot.

    I was also shat on by a magpie during weapons training at recruits for the RAAF. Bird shit does not just wash out of hats and clothing as I discovered. Liberal amounts of Sards wonder soap and a lot of elbow grease were required to remove it.

  • I was attacked by my Nana’s old psychotic cat when I was three.
    My Nana and Mum found it hilarious because apparently I tormented the cat, but I think the cat was just being a jerk and the day it died was the best day of my life! (Not really, but I just didn’t give a shit!)
    I still have the scars from it’s claws all over my legs and hands where I was trying to defend myself from it’s cat rage.
    Stupid bloody cat!

  • I’ve worked at vets and in pet stores since I was 14 – so Bird shit on the shoulder is part of the job, and I have been assaulted more times & by more species than I care to remember, the most painful being the cat who put its teeth through my hand as a thank you for pulling it out of the mouth of an Alaskan Malamute and most amusing being the 15cm baby childrens python that struck me about 20 times on the hand while its agahst owner claimed “its never done this before!” I was covered in tiny pin prick blood spots but luckily it was so small you couldn’t feel it happening!

  • Alix Helps

    Pesky bloody dogs. A dodgy dingo had a go at Charlie through the fence at an even dodgier zoo up near Palm Cove. Reminds me of a favourite child hood poem that my lovely Granny used to recite to us (in a broad Yorkshire accent, natch) xx

  • Jan Davis

    I loved Pepper