Mr Woog Guest Posts

I am here to share with you some housekeeping tips that I have developed over the past 18 years, which is the amount of time that Mrs Woog and I have been in co-habitation.

Mrs Woog is not exactly the best housekeeper. Which is fine, because she is far too busy watching reality TV and talking to her friends on the phone. So I like to help her out.

Here are a few of the ways that I do this.

  • Look purposeful. If you walk through the house with purpose, preferably carrying something, you are far less likely to come under fire or be asked to do something.
  • If you are lying on the couch watching the Moto GP and you hear her coming through the front door, jump up and start fluffing the cushions and straighten the rug or, if time permits, carry your plate and your cup to the sink and rinse them while she talks to you. She likes this.
  • If you sweep the kitchen floor, make sure you sweep all of the filth into a corner and leave it there. Because she really likes to get out the dustpan and broom and finish the job herself. I know this because I watch her talk to herself under her breath when she does it.
  • When the bin is full, remove it and tie a knot in the bin bag before gently placing it at the back door. Where it can stay for days unless Mrs Woog takes it out to the Sulo Bin, which she always does.
  • Once a month, just say yes to everything and avoid her like the plague for a few days. We are in this situation at present. No sudden movements. There might be some weeping.
  • Oh, and when you DO do something without direct instruction, make sure you go and tell your spouse straight away. Announce it with pride! “I just folded the towels!” and wait for grateful praise and some type of trophy.
  • Get her a coffee from the cafe each morning at 7am. This is really because I really like a coffee first thing, but I can also leverage sexual favours from this if required. “Come on…. I got you a coffee….” Results of this vary, but mainly not in my favour.
  • Always take one or both of the kids to Bunnings on a Saturday morning. She will be so grateful for a break she will forget to ask what sort of thing I needed to purchase before disappearing into the garage with for the rest of the day,
  • Ok, so when she asks me what I want for dinner and I say “I don’t mind, whatever is easy..” and then she suggests a Thai Beef Salad and I say “Bleugh! Anything but that! I hate that…” and then she tells me to shove my dinner where the sun don’t shine and to make it myself, just agree to eat the Thai Beef Salad.
Did you find my tips helpful?
Do you recognise your house spouse in any of these?