BlogHer, Boobs, Blow Dries and Balthazar

Day one at the Hilton and the monolith of maroon is filling up with women of all ages who are bloggers. Last night, I introduced myself to a group in the foyer who all looked at me as if I had grown a penis out of my forehead when I spoke. (no dickhead comments please. It is far too obvious)

“Oh my god! Your accent is so cute! Say something else…..” They squealed.

“Um, ok.” I said, always obligingly. “I had a bagel this morning and a coffee that tasted like warm dog wee. I tried to sweeten it with sugar, but it was still gross….”

“Oh. My. God!”

After the fact that that we all got over that I was from another country but we spoke the same language, one of them straight up told me that she went under the moniker of Sponge Bob Square Tits.

So I had to ask. 

Americans are known for their over sharing, something that I admire immensely. And encourage. My new friend told me that she had had breast implants put in 9 years ago and now they had solidified and she was no longer keen to keep  them. But her husband wanted them to stay.

I wanted to tell her that I thought that her husband was a twat when then she grabbed my hand and shoved it down her top, so I could cop a feel of the solidified breast.

Solid it was, and I told her that perhaps she may want them out of her body. If she wanted. Or not. Whatever…….. How about this weather?


Speaking of the weather, it is humid. Like as in the fact you walk out onto the street and your glasses fog up like a mo-fo. It is doing great stuff for my skin, but my hair? That is a different story altogether.

Imagine if a woolly mammoth and Donna Summer, circa 1976, had a baby and that baby grew up to be a blogger and that blogger went  to New York to go to a blogging conference, then that would be me. 

Someone needed to help me. I was crying out for assistance. Nikki had organised an appointment at a blow dry bar and I tagged along, hoping for some help with my situation. They were TOTALLY booked out and had a wait list, but I had a secret weapon. I pulled out my ponytail and asked whether THIS could support my case a little bit………….

They totally got it and in no time I was at the basin. There was a menu. Of course. And they asked if I would like a Mimosa and I said I WOULD LOVE A FREAKING MIMOSA…. hold the orange juice.

And then surly and skilled Stephanie whipped my hair into a state of repair. God love you Stephanie. God love you heaps. 

Bloggers and selfless go together like peanut butter and jelly sambos. Seriously. That will do pig, that will do…


And then onto our afternoon adventure which was a lunch with the agency I am signed to, The Remarkables. It was a significant affair as it was the first time we had all been in the same room since the company was launched. Lorraine Murphy, who owns the agency, is a classy lass and so booked the legendary restaurant Balthatzar, a French Bistro in Soho.

Nikki from Styling You and Sarah from A Beach Cottage.
I was so happy to see my mate Eden who has had such a shithouse time of late.
Pensive Beverly doing what she does, taking photos of either menus or food.
Just after she ordered a magnum of Sancerre. A MAGNUM PEOPLE! IT WAS LUNCH!
Eden and Lorraine talking shop.

Pensive Beverly retold some stories with some colourful language must to the aghast and horror the the family with young children seated straight next to us. We told her we were getting looks, and then the Dad swapped seats with his youngest daughter……

for shame ……. oh for shame….

 And so I wrote her a note on behalf of Pensive Beverly and popped it in front of her………

Then we rolled a Creme Brûlée like it was nobodies business……..

So now we find ourselves at the pointy end of the trip, the reason I came here in the first place. Yes, it may have been for the shopping and the restaurants and the galleries and the adventures and the laughs and the tears and the shits and the giggles…….  But it is time to take off my party shoes  and whack my thinking cap on my new blow dry…..

I am here to attend the largest Social Media Conference for Women in the World. Blogher 12. I need to know how to blog better so enough of the crazy and time to put my head down and ass up. Or at least on a seat.

Don’t question me!

(I don’t believe a word I say either.)

I am in New York thanks to
and so far they have not asked me to remove a post yet! WINNING!