What I am NOT allowed to do during reading groups….


Now that I am carless, we are having to walk the 15 minutes to school. On days where the sun is shining, it is a completely delightful way to get to the college of knowledge, aka our local public school.

This morning we shared the sidewalk with smiling happy people who, like us, were soaking up the sun gleefully.

Harry trod in some dog shit, which only momentarily soured the mood. The good thing was that this incident threw him off the lecture that he was delivering to me, with passion.

The lecture was about what I could not do during reading groups this morning. They include, but are not exclusive, to the following;

  • Do not call any of his friends Darling
  • Do not call his teacher Darling
  • Do not use the word Darling at all. In any circumstance.
  • Do not re-tell any stories about him from when he was a baby
  • Do not speak in a Scottish or Russian accent
  • Tell anyone who asks that his real name is Horatio Umberto Wooganowski (which is strange, because this actually DID come up….)
  • If anyone asks, confirm with them the fact that indeed I DID have a cup of tea with the Prime Minister and we are now very close friends.
  • Do not take my jacket off, lest someone might see the ugly mole on my arm.
I asked him whether I could wear a white bikini to reading groups next week and he almost burst into tears.

So I just sat and listened to kids read like a nice mum would. But as the session ended and everyone sat on the ground, ready for the next learnerment to take place, I could not help myself.

“Agggh Horatio. I shall see ye at ye olde school gate after ye olde sun has passed noon……….”

IN MY BESTEST LOUDEST PIRATE VOICE. And then I was gone. Off to sail the oceans over.

Did your parents ever embarrass you?
Which story stick out the most?