The cost of collecting your kids.

The most stressful part of my day has become 3.15pm. This is the time where I go and pick the Woogettes up from school. It is not stressful because the kids are hot and tired and hungry and bitchy (although that does add a little charm of it’s own). It is the fucking parking assholes who patrol the streets during this time.

Yesterday I pulled up to collect the kids and there were 2 parking inspectors in attendance. The lady parking inspector stood next to the Mazda. You can stay in the pick up line for 2 minutes. Her beady eyes narrowed as she pulled out her iPhone and I think….  set the timer. My beady eyes narrowed as I too, pulled out my iPhone and set the timer. 120 seconds.

We waited…..

A moment passed. A small trickle of children started to appear. No Woogettes.

I wound down the window.

“Excuse me,” I asked “Are you timing me?”

It seemed my suspicions were correct. I felt like I was standing in front of a firing squad.

“You have two minutes.” She barked at me.

It was at that moment my son Jack came skippidy dippidy out of the gates with not a care in the world.

“GET IT THE CAR QUICKLY!!!!!!!!” I yelled. Shocked little face. Poor bugger.

With a minute left on the clock and knowing Harry’s habit of dawdling, I was getting panicky. I again addressed the parking lady.

“Are you telling me that I have to drive off and come back to get my other kid?”

“You have two minutes or I will book you.”

I have never despised anyone like I despised that parking lady right then and there. I know she was just doing her job, but I think she would be far more suited to a job in the penitentiary industry. I would be completely shit at being a parking finer person. I would be all like “Oh don’t worry about it… Go ahead. I do it all the time as well…..”

I am just so bloody sick of giving the local council money. Why, just a few weeks ago, I copped this one which I got because I was half in the pick up line and half in the no stopping zone. Outside the school again.

can’t even

Back back to my situation yesterday. I asked the parking lady if she would mind explaining to my son that I had not abandoned him and would be back shortly to collect him. I asked her to comfort him in case he came out of the gates and saw me driving off with his brother in the car.

“I will not know which one he is.” she said, watching the timer.


With 14 seconds to go, she started to frame her shot. That is what they do around here. They take a photo so when you go to contest it, they just send you the photo and tell you to shut and and cough up. I was pissed off. I turned the key and the Mazda sprung to life, spluttering and farting like she does.

It was at that point Harry came through the gate, dragging his feet, smiling at waving at me.

“RUN RUN RUN RUN……” I screamed out the window. Shocked little face. Poor bugger.

It was like a scene from a very tense movie. A movie about a mum just trying to pick up her kids from school. I would call this movie MUM SMACK DOWN.

Harry started to run. And then the Parking Lady actually said, she actually said……..

“Your Mum is about to get into trouble.”

“I AM NOT ABOUT TO GET INTO TROUBLE!!” I yelled out the window. And with the door shutting behind Harry with no time left on the clock, I pulled out of the line. As I drove off, I did what any sensible, mature lady would do. I flipped her the one fingered salute. But I did it so she could not see it. Because she still had the camera at the ready, and I am sure that there is a fine for doing that. Because there is a fine for everything else.

Tell me, am I the only one who has to put up with this crap?
When did it all get so hard?