Stealing from Santa.


Woke up yesterday in a small panic as I realised that there was ONE present that I had not yet bought for the Christmas Festivus. I had done my entire shop online so the smug feeling I had all week came back and kicked me in the ass.

I got out of bed and spent a few minutes putting back all the Christmas decorations that Chuy had ripped from the tree overnight. Every morning I awake to a Christmas massacre of sorts. The poor tree is looking like shit after constant assaults from the cat. And it is prematurely ageing, so we share that in common.

I got the kids ready and left the house at some ungodly hour to beat the car-park dramas at our local shopping centre.

Walking past the queue of shiny families lining up to see Santa made me realise that we had not done a Santa photo. And I was not really keen on lining up for an hour to get one, and the kids didn’t say anything so to me, GET OUT OF JAIL FREE right there!

The gift was purchased quite quickly before I also realised that I needed a cord for my laptop. We went to the electrical section of Myer and spent sometime looking for someone to help me locate required cord. The electrical section also housed the Santa section and there he was. The most perfect Santa one ever did see. He had a real beard and a real belly and a twinkly eye. He had two of them in fact.

And there was no queue.

Jack bounded across like a Gazelle and leaped from a metre away to land squarely on his lap, where he proceeded to rattle off a long list of requirements. He then treated Santa to a series of cartwheels and round-offs.

Harry wandered over. Now my Harry is 8 and is a Santa Skeptic, although he hadn’t cottoned onto the fact that we had already seen a different Santa in a different part of the building just that morning.

Harry and Santa had a lengthy exchange as well, which ended up with Santa giving Harry a bit of a pep talk about education being key to one’s future. Harry asked is he could get an ezi-glider for a present. Santa looked at me, I delivered the quick nod you do when you move your nose up and down about 2 millimetres, so he delivered the good news that they had them in stock at the South Pole and hopefully, if he continued to be good, he might get one.

I was about to get my iPhone out and ask for a quick snap when I realised that by doing so, I would be stealing from Santa. The two 20 year old “photographers” were busy scratching their nuts and chewing gum that I am sure that they wouldn’t have even noticed.

I wandered over to them and asked what the cheapest option was. They told me $27 for two photos. I laughed. They laughed as well. 

I asked them if the photo was printed on gold leaf and they said no. 

It was a semi gloss finish.

I ponied up the cash and got the photos. And I know, deep in my soul, that that would be the last Santa photo we take. There are too many questions being asked about the validity of Santa and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.

How much were your Santa Photos this year?

How old were your kids when this Santa palaver ceased?