The irritating gift.

Oh Christmas, you total pain in the ass. All the stress and running around trying to please a dozen people at the same time, while you try and tell me to look all fresh in some ridiculous white dress and make a frozen pudding.

It simply does not work that way.

And the gifts. OH THE GIFTS! I will not set foot into a shopping centre, as I am over the decorations, the crowds of people pushing overstuffed trolleys around as they go into overspend. I am an online shopping advocate.

Christmas morning fills me with jubilation and a little bit of dread, as I watch kids rip open toys that people have thought long and hard about. Giving a gift to someone, should have meaning and come from the heart, but hear me out.

And I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, but there are some gifts what cause my heart to sink faster than an iPhone dropped off a boat. Here is a list of things that my kids might get that will cause untold stress to this Mundane Mamma’s nervous system.

Play Dough – When given to small children, they see it as an entrée and when given to bigger kids, they see it as something to fiddle with for a minute or two.

Fake Tattoos – My mum bought the kids a kit of these and I lost my shit one afternoon when I found them sitting in a bedroom, having covered, COVERED themselves in fake tattoos. It took a week of Mr. Woog and I sitting for an hour a night with cotton balls and baby oil to remove them. Ask my kids now, and they will tell you… These are banned from Chez Woog forever and eternity.

 “The plane…. The plane!”
Craft Kits – of any sort. In particular ones that involve porcelain or clay. The only exceptions are those mosaic kits that involve 1000 crystal stickers. We love them. (They take forever to do and are good for quiet busy time)

Puzzles – well they USED to be in the list, but now we are into them in a big way, especially if you combine them with Jabba and a rainy day.

Anything that requires a large commitment of my time – including, but not limited to the following; kites.

Large plastic containers that contain a 1000 of anything small and plastic and the word KIT written on it – aka vacuum cleaner fodder.

Stuff that I like?

Anything that can be used outside. Think Slip N Slide’s, badminton sets, cricket sets and the like. Books are good as are anything beach related. I have a fondness for ye olde fashioned wooden toys, but show me another Barbie and I will snap.

They say “It is the thought that counts…”but spare a thought for the parents please, and adhere to these simple guidelines when choosing your Christmas Gifts, purely to parenting sanity’s sake!

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 What is the most irritating toy in your house?