Why I really hate Indian Mynas.

As sure as the sun rises each morning, I make lunches. Do I like making lunches? I would have to say no, it irritates me enormously, more so when I unpack the lunch boxes each afternoon to find the toils of my labour untouched.

I remember when Mum used to make our lunches. 3 vegemite sandwiches in those useless plastic bags that you just folded the top over. She may have well done away with that step of the process and just chucked the sandwich straight into the paper bag with the obligatory piece of fruit that was offered up as “little lunch”.

Today I packed the lunch boxes as usual. One salami and lettuce and one old stalwart of the Aussie lunchbox, Vegemite. In fancy insulated lunch boxes.


Which made me think why didn’t I die at primary school when, on the odd occasion, my Vegemite was substituted for ham?

By lunchtime, it was HOT HAM and it was delicious. Probably riddled with the bacteria of a billion germs, but I always ate that sandwich without it being accompanied a a little frozen brick of water nestled next to it.

I recall one day, a ham sandwich day, I opened up the sandwich to show my friends that it was ham sandwich day, when a rat of the sky, an Indian myna, took a dump fair smack on the middle of that hot pink slab of pig…. and I howled! 

So traumatised was I, that I got free rein to select anything I wanted from the canteen, gratis. Result!



This morning I did canteen duty and only prepared one sandwich. It was a teachers lunch, a simple tomato and cheese number. I used to be a teacher and recall how much I looked forward to lunch, so I took extra care in it’s preparation. I seasoned it well, placed the slices of tomato in between 2 slices of cheese, as to not allow any bread sogginess to occur.

Nobody likes a soggy sandwich.

I then wrapped the sandwich in the same way fancy clothes shops wrap garments, in tissue. I got a bit carried away and ended up wrapping it up like a present. And then, for added flair, I drew a purple love heart on it.

Had I had time, and if it were not frowned upon,  I thought about popping down to the bottle shop and slipping a piccolo of prosecco in along side of it, just for shits and giggles.

It seems for the rest of the school population, it is all about the sushi roll. Not a hot ham sandwich in sight.

What did you used to get for school lunches?
Is it different to what you pack now?
Did you ever fall victim to a hot egg sambo?