AND ANOTHER THING…..

PMS

In a post that could be filed under the famous First World Problems folder, you must be forewarned that this entry is bought to you by the letters P,M &S.

First up, I want to talk about high heels. Really high heels. I had to wear a pair yesterday for a grand total of 4 minutes. They were mofo stilettos and I needed assistance to stand in them. It made me think of women who say things like, “They are just so comfortable!” and I cry bullshit. They are not comfortable. They make you look taller and slimmer, somewhat more sophisticated, but really? Comfortable? It is right up there with chicks that say “Sometimes I just forget to eat….” 

Complete crap.

Ok, now another one of my life’s rules is when you are shopping, always buy toilet paper and tampons. Even if you have cupboards full of them, always buy them. ALWAYS. This will make you avoid the scenario this morning when I had to dispatch my eldest son to a mates house around the corner to collect some “medicine” from Mrs Sparks. He came back and told me that it was not medicine, but a box of weird tissues. And because I have a rule of answering questions truthfully, I went into a quick explanation about tampons and he has not been able to look me in the eye since.

Which brings me to eyes. I am basically blind these days and have looked into getting laser eye surgery. Do you know that they don’t put you under general anaesthetic?  And you smell the aroma of burning flesh? Not really selling it to me at the moment…. Ever done it? Thoughts?

Something happened to me this week which reminded me of one of the most horrific events of my childhood. One that I had pushed back down, deep into my sub-consious.

I was watching an ad for Polident, like one does, and I suffered from Very Delayed Post Traumatic Shock. I was about 4 and was staying with my grandparents, on their farm in Kootingal NSW. I went to be brush my teeth, as instructed, and took a bit swig of water from a tumbler next to the sink, and subsequently started choking of Nanna’s teeth. No wonder that ad stirred something in me? Imagine that on the death certificate?

And finally, to conclude this ridiculous rant, may I just say one thing.

Halloween Naysayers Desist!

Because when Halloween coincides with Day 1, it is the universes way to let you know that it is ok to take candy from strangers. Medicinal, in fact.

What is Day One like at your place?

Mine makes me write regretful, non-sensical crap on the inter webs x