Lunch in Mosman.

This post may contain some generalisations*.

Any complaints may be directed to The Mosman Council.

Yesterday I took my friend and huffy puffy whip cracker Mrs Sparks out to lunch to celebrate her birthday. I did so after turning my back on a mountain of work that was due in, citing mental health reasons. I needed to not be near a computer or my house as Jack was finally ready to return to school after the pox, and I was ready to do something nice for myself.

Despite being a personal trainer, Mrs Sparks is terrific company so we went to Mosman, or the MOZZZ as I like to call it, for supremo people watching opportunities.


For those not in the know, Mozzz is an extraordinarily fancy part of Sydney, where the average house price sits around the 1.4 million dollar mark. And for that, I am talking about taking ownership of a bus shelter. The people are clean, white, rich and quite friendly, if not a touch haughty.. The main street is lined with fancy shops, children’s boutiques, cosmetic surgeries and patisseries, which is quite baffling as no one appears to eat there. It is famous for fancy real estate, an asshole who murdered grandma’s on the streets years ago, Taronga Zoo and of course…. Trophy Wives!*

No one farts in Mosman. 

I stand out like a sore thumb there, with my non european car, the absence of a designer dog and my all over general largeness. But is a great place to visit, even if it is just for lunch. And if you do end up in Mosman at midday, try to get to The Avenue Cafe, easily one of my favourites in all of Sydney.

After putting on a disgraceful display of eating, I felt like doing some retail cardio, so we set off up the road. We wandered in and out of darling little shops, was thoroughly ignored while fingering kaftans at Camilla and ended up at this nice looking shop.

Ok, so have you ever been to a shop, grabbed a price tag to see whether you are in the ball park and almost passed out?

Right away, I knew I was in the presence of some serious shopping players as staff rushed around sourcing a silk pant in a size 4 in shroom for some gazillionaires wife to wear to yoga. I was too scared to touch anything, but eventually I pulled out a pair of pants, perhaps the most hideous I have ever seen.

They were black stonewash imitation denim elastic waisted MC Hammer type pants. I held them out to show Mrs. Sparks and was about to say something, no doubt dreadful, when I was approached by a gorgeous looking sales assistant.

“Aren’t they fabulous!” She gushed “If you don’t feel like wearing jeans, nothing beats Helmut Lang track pants…”

Now I don’t know much about high end fashion, but I know an awful lot about track pants, and the general rule is the cheaper they are, the comfier they tend to be. So at $380, those stiff and scratchy Helmet Lang ones were a complete rip off!

Despite my rule, I did buy tracksuit pants in Mosman yesterday. Chambray ones from Country Road thanks to the advice of Nikki from Styling You.

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click here for super comfy nanna chambray trackie dacks.

They call them “Utility Pants” which is a ridiculous name. So chambray trackies it is. Also good for having lunch in Mosman in because SUPER ELASTIC WAIST!

Order the pork belly sandwich. You will be glad you did.

Ever been to the Mozz?

What is the most expensive thing in your wardrobe? Stonewash trackies?