The Mum’s Union

It was over a few bacon and egg rolls this morning with my good friend SawHole and her husband Gav, when we started a robust conversation about trade unions and their power. It stemmed from the fact that Clive Palmer had started following me on Twitter, and I smelt a rat.

Suddenly, like a bolt out of the blue, SawHole announced, “I am starting the Mums Union.”

I agreed that it was a great idea, and predicted that it would quickly become the most powerful union in Australia.

Mums need this because, HOLY SMACKERS, do we have a platform!

  • Shorter school holidays; longer school hours.
  • A day of silence to be observed in all Australian households.
  • Green bans – no gardening
  • A discretionary spending allowance, adjusted for the CPI annually, just for Mums for nice things and soothing treatments.
  • Lock outs – the right to lock the kids out of the house.
  • Abolish the tax on alcohol for all mothers.
  • A national conference where you get your own bed that you share with no one.
  • Eight weeks annual leave.
  • Coffee machines installed in every Mums house.
  • Four hours a week of laundry assistance

We will infiltrate the ALP with a mix of cunning and harping, harnessing our enormous member base. We will beat the CFMEU in the annual union tug-o-war. We will threaten industrial action at will, making the Teachers Federation look like wusses.

Because, ultimately, we can bring the entire economy down.

Let’s face it, without us everyone is screwed. And we are so fearless, that we are willing to put our unmade up morning face on the internets, complete with stern and menacing looks.

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We are currently in the consultation period and are seeking expressions of interest. Plus looking for more benefits for our members. Can you think of any more demands?

Authorised by Mrs Woog, Woogsworld, Cyberspace.