And now, a few thanks….

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I can reflect back on the summer holidays of 13/14 with fondness. Long days of swimming at the beach, bbq’s and ye olde fashioned fun. But I have lost my shit many times. Right now the kids are sick of the sight of me, and I return the sentiment.

Physical eye rolls have been replaced with the words “eye roll” and my flaws have been pointed out to me. I have horrified the boys by doing concerts for them and their unwilling friends. I have tried to act cool, but have failed. Horatio is coming out of the little boy era and into the pre-teen vortex of the unknown. I am scared. Hold me.

Mr Woog has been overseas for a week and it is another week until his return. I take my hat off to any single parents out there. You are amazing.

But there are a couple of people I must thank, for without you, my holidays would have been crap house.

Firstly, the good folk at the Villa Maria and Fifth Leg Wineries. Consistent quality. I thank you.

Ditto, the clever clogs at the Vodka O distillery. The best by a country mile.

I would like to thank the magazine industry and the publishing industry who amused, confused and entertained me.

Thank you Telstra for the $500 phone bill, which was my fault as I chewed through data like demon. And you know, if you replace “thank”  with “fuck” then that sentence would read more correctly.

Of course, thank you toilet.

Thank you to Patonga Fish and Chip shop for the nourishment and lard on my ass.

Thank you dry shampoo, just for being marvellous. Ditto deoderant.

Thank you internet for suggesting I do a bagged wash at the dry cleaners when the washing was bringing me to the depths of despair.

To the makers of Weetbix, thanks for being our dinner on the nights that I just could not face another BBQ.

Thank you coffee machine. Thank you television remote. Thank you Australian Open and the Big Bash series. Thank you watermelon and bags of grapes. Thank you sand, for your persistence on insisting that you find your way into ever crack in my body. Even when I had not gone anywhere near the beach that day.

And finally, thank you to the NSW Department of Education for welcoming my children back into your bosom tomorrow. God Speed.

Now would you like to sign my petition to decrease the six weeks, to four weeks?