Box Gaps, Bikini Bridges and a user friendly guide to the alternatives.

Every morning I wake up to Mr Woog sniffing my hair. I am not sure why he does it, but this practice has been going on for years. Apparently is a wide-spread practice and has something to do with pheromones. Never the less, it is a disturbing way to wake up.

Next up, I lay in bed and clock my mood, which in most cases is “filthy”. I am not a morning person.

Then I read the headlines of all the papers on my eye pad, just to enrage myself a bit more. But this morning, my grumps turned to glee, when I clocked the latest fashion trend going out of America.

High cut swimsuits. Oh my giddy 1980’s Aunt!

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.06.56 AM


The reason I was so gleeful, was because I knew that this was one trend that I would not have to concern myself with. And I was just so grateful, that just yesterday, I dished out a tutorial regarding how to avoid ingrown hairs.

Now call me old and cynical, but what is this trend going to do with the other summer trend? Last year it was about the delightfully titled BOX GAP, and this year, we have examined the BIKINI BRIDGE. (Note graphics are my own. Body is not)

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.16.23 AMSo, why should our slim sisters get all the attention?

And so now I present some alternative body terms that you might like to aspire to. Hell, like me, you might have even achieved all!

The Moguls. This is the area south of your hips. 

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.23.54 AM

The River of Life – your C-section scar…

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.26.43 AM

Your amazing built in Batwings – skin hanging from your upper arms when you hold them out to the side. Used for decoration only, not for flying..

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.30.16 AM

And finally, how about we celebrate the ALMIGHTY ROADMAP OF THE ABDOMEN! This is when your skin is stretched, just to far, and throws in the dermis towel.

Screen Shot 2014-02-18 at 9.34.18 AM

Oh I could go on, dear reader, but my Metamucil just kicked in, and my fingers are succumbing to my early onset arthritis. Bitter? Me? NEVER!

How is your box gap going?