Swimming Carnivale!

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Yesterday you would have found me poolside.

The swimming carnival. The great leveler of playground politics. I recall a near drowning experience of my own when trying to complete the 50 metres when I was a wee tacker. Fuck winning the race, it was a matter of survival and trying to avoid the ultimate public humiliation of being fished out by a giant pole.

I do remember, however, the highlight of the swimming carnival was the canteen at the pool which stocked, among other things redskins and whizz fizz. This is where you most likely would have found me.

These days, like most things, we have got far too serious. There was no FREE PLAY at yesterdays Swimming Carnival, although there was a very lolly-centric canteen much to the delight of the students.

Woogs are not known for great swimming abilities, and I am grateful for this. Those gifted with great swimming abilities have very sleepy looking parents who drive them to early morning training. And this gig is something I can avoid THANK GOD.

One thing that I did notice is that kids who are gifted with great swimming abilities more often that not, have multiple siblings who are also gifted with great swimming abilities. In my day, it was the Upton sisters that dominated the pool. There were 3 of them. Susie, Julie and Kathy and they could all be relied on to (pardon the pun) sweep the pool with their speed and power. Yesterday I noticed that this trend is still happening.

“Could we get Kirsty Brown, Sam Brown, Adam Brown and Lucy Brown to the Marshalling Area for the 4 x 50 metres Individual Medley please” And then Mrs Brown would walk up and down and up and down the sideline with 4 stop watches.

I mean, who would want to be a professional swimmer these days? No thank you…..

There was an area where you could actually go and lodge a protest, if indeed you wanted to be that dickhead parent.

So I drank a pretty average coffee and chatted with the other Mums about this and that. I watched Haz backstroke 50 metres and triumph in the breaststroke while Jack came 6th in the freestyle final. And then I watched hundreds of kids go up and down. I always cheered on the kid who was doing his best impersonation of Eric The Eel and was almost reduced to tears as they just. kept. swimming.

And then this kid walked past and stopped just in front of me. He leant over and unleashed the worlds biggest vomit. The whole thing was done silently and if it were not for the tremendous splash onto the pavement, it might have gone un-noticed.

Those who know me, understand my very sensitive gag reflex so I fled to the corner of the pool and practiced my deep breathing while trying not to hurl my own cookies.

And for those interested, DO NOT DRINK 3 CANS OF FANTA BEFORE YOU SWIM 50 METRES OF BUTTERFLY. No good can come from it.

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What are your swimming carnival memories?

Who was the swimming family at your school?