How to win.


I got a phone call last week which was very unexpected.

“Hello” I answered.

“OH MY GOD!!!” A lady screamed.. “This is Debbie from You Save Chemist in Umina and you have won the Banana Boat Promotion!!!”

If you can, imagine yourself answering the phone and being screamed at about something that you have no idea about. It really was the most random thing I thing anyone had ever started a phone call with,




My brain was slow to fire up. Umina. Chemist. Banana Boat…… what is the connection?…. work you stupid fucking brain…..

But Debbie had it covered. Apparently I was in the You Save (PROUD TO BE CHEAP) Chemist in Umina over Christmas and I purchased a Banana Boat product which then gave me an entry into the Banana Boat Promotion which I must have filled in while I was being served and then promptly erased it from my mind.

I thanked her and enquired what was the prize (secretly thinking it might have been a week in Fiji where I get to go Banana Boating….) Debbie positively BEAMED down the phone and announced that I was now the proud owner of the worlds largest….












Last weekend we went up to Jabba and I remembered the phone call when we drove past the Chemist. I told a very confused Mr Woog about the incident and instructed him to pull over. I went into the chemist and told them my story. That I had won their promotion.

The two ladies looked at me and said… “Oh! Yes right. The Ukeleles?”

I was all like “What the fuck… Ukeleles? That is cruel…” In my head and then we all stood around looking at each other.

Then someone spoke. “This is Chem Save… Try You Save. They had a Banana Boat Promotion back in January.”

I thanked everyone for their time and went back to the car. Mr Woog indicated that he was slightly sick of talking about and visiting chemists but off to You Save we went. I entered the store and went up to 3 lovely young ladies standing behind the counter looking at a shipment of new lipsticks that had arrived.

“Hi, I got a call from Debbie saying that I had won the Banana Boat Promotion?”

They erupted! They went and got the Chemist on Duty who went onto the back of the shop and came out carrying the worlds largest esky which was filled with sunscreen. I was told that this was the best prize that they had ever had, and that all of the staff were jealous of me. I could not help it, the enthusiasm was breathtaking.


I picked up that motherfucking huge esky and staggered towards the door, turning down offers of help. Mr Woog looked bemused when he noticed a massive navy esky with BANANA BOAT emblazoned across it, with two legs hang in out underneath. He leant over and opened the passenger side as I slid the esky in. I jumped in the back with the kids, who high-fived me on my glorious win.

Woogs will no longer be sunburnt ever and our beverages shall remain cold. And it beats the shit out of the Bakers Delight Promotion that I won back in 09, where I was presented with a very sharp knife.

Best thing you ever won?