Parenting 101 – Being Bored

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“I’m bored.”

The national anthem of the school holidays, Australia wide. When the sun is shining, there is no reason to come and tell me this, as I will turn on you quicker than Tony Abbott can backflip on any of his election promises. If you are a small person and come to me, announcing that you are bored, I will set you to work arraying the plastic cupboard. You might find yourself polishing every shoe in the house, or perhaps weeding the entire garden.

Which is why my kids rarely come to me complaining, as they know that the result is not worth the whine.

When we were kids, we were not allowed to be bored either. We had a dog, bikes and a cubby house. We also had a creek that ran through at the end of our cul-de-sac which meant there was never a reason to be bored. Sure, Amber Marshall cut her toe off one afternoon on a submerged, smashed coke bottle, but that only added to the excitement of the afternoon. And to be honest, it wasn’t the whole toe, just the tip which floated off down the bubbling brook, never to be seen again.

We did all this adventuring without the supervision of any adults. There was one teenaged boy who joined us on occasion, until he asked me whether I would like to see his cockie. OF COURSE! I loved birds.

But his cockie turned out to be his penis, which is quite confusing for a seven year old. Later I told Mum about it over dinner. She went ballistic, made some phone calls  and we never saw that teenaged boy again.

There are a few things you can do to prevent boredom in your house come school holidays. They mainly start and begin with GO OUTSIDE. You might have to say this several hundred times before you completely lose your shit, but if you continue to give them solutions about how to deal with their boredom, well you will only have yourself to blame. Make your bed, lie on it, rod for your own back blah blah blah….

If necessary, procure a stun gun, or a taser type apparatus, and apply with gay abandon. They will get the message. Eventually.*

Are your kids bored?

Send them over to me**

*not talking about really small smalls. You have to stick it out a few more years.

** “charges up stun gun…”

For more of my Parenting 101 Series, please visit these links.


The Bait and Switch

Dodging Bullets

Passive Agressive Bribes

Picking Your Battles

Star of the Week!

Embarrassing the Kids

The Follow Through