What is your secret food of shame?

My sister and I were driving back from the beach after a lovely girls weekend away. We were eating some hot chips and talking about that annoying and shaming column that they have in one of the Sunday Paper Magazines that looks at what a celebrity eats, and then a nutritionist comes in and suggests that they add 3 brazil nuts to their kale and ginger smoothie, or some such bollocks.

Do you know the one that I am talking about? It is called My Day On a Plate.

Mrs Ryan and I went through our Weekend on a Plate, and it was not good. That Nutritionalist would slap us both in disgust,  throwing the hot chips out the window before giving us both a chlorophyll colonic while praying for our souls….

And it got me thinking about my secret food of shame. You know those things that you LOVE, but are really bad for you, or are quite disgusting when you really think about it, but like a moth to a flame, you are directed by the universe to eat them at various stages of your life. I asked the Facebook Crew what their secret foods of shame where and the most popular answers included…

  • Laughing Cow Cheese
  • Nutella from the jar
  • Devon and Tomato sauce sandwiches
  • Condensed milk with a spoon
  • Packets of Pork Crackling
  • Braised steak and onion from a tin
  • Kraft Macaroni Cheese Deluxe
  • Plastic Cheese
  • Two Minute Noodles
  • SPAM!
  • Pecks Paste on white bread
  • Fish Fingers

And many, many, many more….

Me? Well I have 3 secret foods of shame that I am about to make not so secret. Deep breath. DO NOT JUDGE ME!

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South Cape Spring Onion and Chive Cream Cheese. I love it that everyone seems to hate it. I trot it out at all social events and people turn up their noses. FUCKN CHEESE SNOBS! It is delicious and I can eat a whole “wheel” in one sitting if I feel like it….

Next up, an oldie bout a goodie and one that saw me through many a lean year at university…

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You have tried it no?  You put the POWDERED CHEESE in a bowl with the noodles and milk and butter, nuke it stupid and there you have it. Congealed gluey orange pasta. Goes well with a cheeky pinot. Mr Woog has banned it from the house, but sometimes, during the day I can hear it calling my name from the local IGA….

“Mrs Woog, we are here… all ready for your microwave… it is just between you and us… we will not tell a soul….”

And then there is the object of my complete secret food of shames desire…. OH GOD I FEEL SO DIRTY!

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The KFC Zinger Burger (replacing mayo with BBQ Sauce.) I know… I KNOW! You basically drop dead from a heart attack once you have eaten one. They are 1085 kj’s a pop and would mean that I would have to basically run to the Gold Coast to burn it off, but that is it. The KFC Zinger Burger. Eaten about twice a year (apart from the time I found myself being a bit addicted when I was pregnant…) In public I nod along in agreement when the conversation turns to the eating of fast food and how it is killing us slowly, but inside I am thinking YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY….

But like fighting the urge to lick the end of a battery, sometimes the pull is too hard. Every day I get through without daydreaming about a Zinger Burger is a good day. Today obviously does not count as I have been thinking about one while writing this post. The whole time.

You can remain anonymous for this one, if you want…

Fess up punters! What is your secret food of shame?