Sunday Special Guest – Kirsten and Co vs The Gym

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So apparently there was some sort of rugby league game on during the week. I only know this because my husband normally wears a shirt and tie to work but on three Wednesdays a year, he replaces that ensemble with a maroon coloured footy jumper. And wakes up the neighbourhood by yelling “QUEENSLANDER” in the driveway at 7.30 in the morning. To say he gets a bit excited at the thought of watching two teams throw a ball around a field for 90 minutes would be a slight understatement!!

I, on the other hand, am not really into sport. Or fitness of any kind. Which surprises a lot of people because I pretty much live in yoga pants and sneakers!

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But last week, I shocked everyone I know, myself included, by joining a gym. And actually going. Well, ok, I’ve been four times in two weeks but hey, I didn’t take chocolate with me, so that’s a win!

So now that I’ve been to the gym a handful of times, I’ve pretty much morphed into one of those really annoying reformed sloths who now only eats kale sandwiches (without the bread, obvs), drinks half strength, non fat soy vodkas and dishes out fitness advice to anyone who will listen. Here’s what I’ve learnt so far…

1. If your personal trainer asks you how much you weigh and you reply with “Um, rude. Not even my husband knows that number. Just guess” and he suggests “65 kilos?” and you laugh so hard you actually snort. Out Loud. In front of several VERY FIT PEOPLE, you might get some strange looks. (FYI: I haven’t weighed 65 kilos since I was 19. Clearly the personal trainer needs to ride his unicorn to the optometrist asap)!!

2. If your girlfriends text you, asking if you’d like to meet them at the usual place for coffee and cake on Thursday and you reply with “Sorry, I can’t. I’m going to the gym” you might get a reply that reads, “I’m sorry, who is this? And why do you have Kirsten’s phone?”!

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3. If you walk briskly for a solid 15 minutes on the treadmill while listening to nothing but a stirring rendition of Advance Australia Fair and several One Direction songs because your 9 year old accidentally synced her iPod to your phone and you haven’t got around to unsyncing it yet, you definitely deserve that teeny tiny family block of chocolate while sitting on the couch watching The Real Housewives of Anywhere later that night!

4. If your mum calls and you’re silly enough to answer the phone while on the treadmill, you may or may not be hit with all sorts of questions like “What exactly ARE you doing?” and “Do you have your inhaler?” or my personal favourite, “Oh for gods sake, why would you want to join a gym? Are you having a mid life crisis? Next you’ll be telling me you’re going to become a vegan and I’ll have to order a tofu turkey for Christmas!”

5. If you weigh yourself 3 days after joining the gym and discover you haven’t pulled a Biggest Loser and dropped 6 kilos in 72 hours, you might be tempted to hit the bakery (cruelly located next to the gym) for some sort of carb induced sugar high. Don’t do it. Because when you turn around holding a bag full of finger buns, you might just find your personal trainer standing right behind you ordering nothing but a bottle of water and some fresh air. Which will be all sorts of awkward for all concerned. Or so I’ve heard!

Are you a gym junkie? Got any tips on how I can become one too?!

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When she’s not folding the laundry, eating chocolate or (despite all evidence to the contrary above) avoiding exercise, Kirsten can be found here, sharing her recipes, telling random stories and having a good old chat with her readers.