Angry Birds.

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One of the things that I noticed, after living in the city for so long before moving to the leafy burbs, is that my kids now play on the road, or the park across the street, rather than in an alleyway festooned with large rats. Chuy the cat was quite the fan, but as the kids grew, we knew that they lads needed space. So we packed up and moved.

It is nice, and quiet for most f the time. Apart from the wildlife!

Chuy is an inside cat at night, but likes to hang out on his perch during the day, to be patted by passers-by, to hiss at their dogs and to watch the birds. THE BIRDS!

We are living in a natural aviary. We have a huge Bunyan Pine in the backyard and it is this tree that the local kookaburras gather every morning at about 6.30am and laugh their guts out. This is my morning alarm.

As the dusk falls, and as I pull yet another load of clothes from the line, I am almost certain to be deafened by an enormous flock of huge site cockatoos, who with fly overhead in their dozens, screeching so loud that I swear I can see the windows of the house shake.

There are dozens of bunnies that hop and shit and root all over the lawns. There are ugly bush turkeys that dig up Mr Woog’s carefully tended flower beds. And there are the fucking indian minahs.

I make no secret of my hatred for Indian Minahs, stemming from an incident during my youth. I cannot work out if they are incredibly stupid, or exceedingly smart. Sometimes one will just walk into the kitchen, and start pecking at the bin. RATS WITH WINGS! And I will get all panicked, causing the bird to panic and then we both flap around in a panic. Then it will start shitting for England and I will flee the room.

It reminds me of the time that George got stuck in the chimney, and had to be saved by Barry, The Manly Man.

Anyway, Chuy will sit on his perch of an afternoon, waiting for the boys to get home from school, and he will draw the attention of the local gang of Indian Minahs’ who will gather around on nearby trees and power lines and SCREECH AT HIM, like a gang of nasty bullies. Sometimes they will actually swoop him. And he just sits there, with an expression on his face “You’ll keep, you bastards”. Occasionally he will present me with one, one that swooped too close. And I will scream and flee the room.

Do you see a pattern here?

Well, it seems that I have every right to be frightened of birds. As they are getting angrier. Todays cover of the NT News confirms my theory.

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And with Magpie season not too far away, one can only wonder how angry they will be. Helmets on. You have been warned.

What wildlife shares your patch?

Do you like or loathe birds?

Do they ever come into your house?

  • Oh wow. I’m sure this has been pointed out before but Chuy looks a lot like Salem the cat from Sabrina the teenage witch!

    • kurly76

      Years ago my sweet, very non-violent dad got so jack of the crows ‘faaaaarking’ every morning that, in frustration, he swung a bit of timber at one sitting on the fence. He only intended to scare it, but accidentally made contact and sort of killed it. My mum told me this story in secret because he was so mortified and he didn’t want anyone to know. Oops. Poor dad.

  • We live on the urban fringes and most days will have possums, echidnas, wallabies and bush turkeys in the yard. Lots of birds but they are safe as our cat is 17 and could no longer be fucked making the effort. I love all the wildlife, except for the black snake that I encountered one day at our back door as I was going to take the rubbish out. As it happens, we have been 6 years in this house, and that was the first and only snake we’ve ever seen. It happened to be the evening before I went in for my mastectomy. A Chinese friend told me that having a snake across your path is actually really good luck, so I took it as a sign. Suspect my friend might have been bullshitting to make me feel better, but it worked.

  • roger

    It’s ok Magpies hate Minahs almost as much as you do! feed the maggies and no more minahs Reading your blog today I found out there is a bar in the NT called the Ducks Nuts WTF do they serve there?

  • SmittenKitten

    How funny, our cats are inside so they would only get to take down a bird when we are outside with them and we stop those shenanigans! A lady around the corner has built a massive steel pole square frame with bird feeders all over it so hundreds of birds come by every day. I feel really sorry for the neighbours as the birds always drop litter in their yards or shit on their car and roof.

    When we adopted our first cat Cookie, he thought he was so clever – he dragged a dead crow into my kitchen and ripped all its feathers off. It had been hit by a car and was sitting on the road for a few days so I was hysterical and the old man next door had to save me. I didn’t notice him bringing it inside as I was around the back hanging out washing.

  • Jules

    Most hated vermin in our house as well. My dad bangs on the window all the time trying to stop the Minah birds for destroying his beloved lawn. I’ve told him to set up a “Stravos” (Coles ad many years ago where the Greek Mamma is at the sink and yells to Stravos who is sitting at the table to get rid of the birds in Greek) like system where he can ring a series of bells on a pulley system to get rid of them. Fucking rats with wings, can I hire Chuy for a few weeks to do some “work” at our place?

  • Those fugging black and white birds SHIT ME, they crap all over my glass pool fence, on my outdoor furniture and anything else they can get their claws into! The fuggers were born in the neighbours bamboo trees that hang over our property and fall in to our pool and clog the shit out of our pool pump – so now the birds think out backyard is their shitting/living zone! I only love natives birds.

  • I got swooped by a magpie a couple of years ago. Scary things. I now avoid them like the plague. The cats keep bringing skinks into the house in summer, to play with, and yesterday I had to rescue a little bird out of my ensuite. No mynahs here, at least not too many, thank goodness.

  • I fucking hate birds. When I was in primary school my sister told me a story of a baby losing its eye from a magpie and then i got swooped a lot walking to and from school… these incidences have royally fucked me up and given me an extreme fear of most wild birds. Magpie season sees me hibernating and the poor dog going crazy rom not being walked.

  • I fucking hate birds. One flew into our back room recently. Amalfi just sat there like a stuffed mullet (hello, dog – anytime you want to join in and protect your owner? No? OK…) and I was screaming blue burder. Mr Styling was in the shower at the time and did not hear a peep. I grabbed a broom and chased that bastard the hell outta my house. Disgusting. Disturbing.

  • Oh gosh, magpies have always freaked me the eff out.

  • georgi

    ugh I HATE birds….especially the ones who think it is their god given right to venture inside. PIGEONS are cocky little bastards too…..

  • Ariel

    We had a bad problem with minahs at my house when I was younger. So one day mum managed to kill one and hang it up in the backyard on a tree. Never had anymore problems.

  • Barb Fisher

    Oh how I love the way the NT News article is written. Bloody classic. “That’ll stop them” !

  • Cate P

    I feel kind of ambivalent about birds, although I do love the colourful Australian parrots that we get in our yard here. There are rainbow lorikeets, pink and grey galahs, sulfur crested cockies and huge black cockies with red flashes under their tails. We get a lot of the Indian Minor birds and increasing numbers of pigeons. I just like to look at the colourful birds but don’t want a bird as a pet. A magpie flew into our chemist store once and had everyone in a panic. I walked up to it, scooped it up and took it outside. Doesn’t bother me. I do think birds are lovelier at a distance though 🙂

  • Jen

    I love the variety of birds we get in our backyard. Luckily no rats of the sky around here! We have had a kookaburra fly in through the open bifolds and thankfully, straight back out again… The worst thing is the number of beautiful parrots that have brained themselves flying straight into our very expensive frameless glass pool fencing. After spending a fortune on a pool fence that would blend into the landscape, it now has one very cheap manky towel permanently pegged to it, to warn low flying birds!
    Whilst we were building this house we rented in a suburb nearby. I the middle of the night we heard a loud thud. We ran out into the lounge room to find a crazed panicked possum going nuts. Its nest had fallen down the chimney and straight into the unused fire place. I’m not sure who panicked more…. the possum or my big brave husband. All I could think of was getting it the hell out before it did a wee all over my lounge. I’ll take a bird indoors any day!!!

  • Bel

    Isn’t that a butcher bird in the picture? Mynah birds have yellow beaks, brown feathers and a black head.

  • Ummm, that’s terrifying.

  • ali

    Sweet Baby Cheeses, that’s terrifying. I have a well known (and blogged about) hatred for everything that flies. There is no need, nature, just WALK. Winged rats be gone. That is all.

    PS Thanks for putting me on the blogroll Mrs W. MWAH.

  • Lisa Mckenzie

    Hate those Minah birds I have seen them trying to carry off small dogs and peck eyes out of children…horrid creatures I remember a Bryce Courtney book which had a man who used to feed the minah birds rat poison in bread everyday,can’t remember the name of the book but I agreed with him and I love animals!!!!