Angry Birds.

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One of the things that I noticed, after living in the city for so long before moving to the leafy burbs, is that my kids now play on the road, or the park across the street, rather than in an alleyway festooned with large rats. Chuy the cat was quite the fan, but as the kids grew, we knew that they lads needed space. So we packed up and moved.

It is nice, and quiet for most f the time. Apart from the wildlife!

Chuy is an inside cat at night, but likes to hang out on his perch during the day, to be patted by passers-by, to hiss at their dogs and to watch the birds. THE BIRDS!

We are living in a natural aviary. We have a huge Bunyan Pine in the backyard and it is this tree that the local kookaburras gather every morning at about 6.30am and laugh their guts out. This is my morning alarm.

As the dusk falls, and as I pull yet another load of clothes from the line, I am almost certain to be deafened by an enormous flock of huge site cockatoos, who with fly overhead in their dozens, screeching so loud that I swear I can see the windows of the house shake.

There are dozens of bunnies that hop and shit and root all over the lawns. There are ugly bush turkeys that dig up Mr Woog’s carefully tended flower beds. And there are the fucking indian minahs.

I make no secret of my hatred for Indian Minahs, stemming from an incident during my youth. I cannot work out if they are incredibly stupid, or exceedingly smart. Sometimes one will just walk into the kitchen, and start pecking at the bin. RATS WITH WINGS! And I will get all panicked, causing the bird to panic and then we both flap around in a panic. Then it will start shitting for England and I will flee the room.

It reminds me of the time that George got stuck in the chimney, and had to be saved by Barry, The Manly Man.

Anyway, Chuy will sit on his perch of an afternoon, waiting for the boys to get home from school, and he will draw the attention of the local gang of Indian Minahs’ who will gather around on nearby trees and power lines and SCREECH AT HIM, like a gang of nasty bullies. Sometimes they will actually swoop him. And he just sits there, with an expression on his face “You’ll keep, you bastards”. Occasionally he will present me with one, one that swooped too close. And I will scream and flee the room.

Do you see a pattern here?

Well, it seems that I have every right to be frightened of birds. As they are getting angrier. Todays cover of the NT News confirms my theory.

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And with Magpie season not too far away, one can only wonder how angry they will be. Helmets on. You have been warned.

What wildlife shares your patch?

Do you like or loathe birds?

Do they ever come into your house?