Sunday Special Guest – Emily from Have a Laugh on Me.

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Do you have a booby trap?

Don’t kids say the strangest things?

I nearly choked the other day when my daughter said very loudly to her teacher that “even my mummy uses bottom cream”.

The way I saw it I had two choices, I could either laugh it off or feign a sickness and lie unconscious for a few minutes until everyone had forgotten she had said.

It was a seriously tough decision, but luckily we were in my child’s kindy room and it wasn’t hard to find the sharpest table and fall awkwardly on it.

No I didn’t.

I laughed it off, went a darker shade of crimson and then started talking about the ridiculous weather we’d be having recently blah, blah, blah.

Everyone laughed it off but I just wanted to earth to swallow me up.

So you might be wondering what would possess a child to say such a thing. Maybe it was because this is exactly what her dilly mother had told her once upon a time.

Let me take you back to the night in question.

It was one of those rare occasions when both parties felt the need for hanky panky, there was no excuse spreadsheet, headaches or reality TV finals, so it was game on for all and sundry.

Unfortunately the love shack was not pitch black and there was the faint light of a cheap candle flickering in the background, a tacky attempt to create some sort of romance.

Caution was thrown to the wind and it we were ‘partying’ like it was 1999.

Then I felt a presence…

I turned to the door and saw a tiny little person, finger in mouth, clutching their sleeping toy and staring at us intently.

She looked at us with interest as we scrambled for blankets and then once the commotion had stopped she quietly said: “What was daddy doing to you mummy?”

I said the first thing that popped into my head: “He was just putting some bottom cream on me, you know the stuff that I sometimes put on your brother’s bum?”

Are you shaking your head and blushing in embarrassment for me right now?

Quite frankly I’m not sure what possessed me to say such a thing but I had to explain why we were wearing our birthday suits and it was the first thing that came to my mind.

I grabbed the nearest item of clothing and attempted to remain calm as I told her to head back to her bed.

In hindsight I should have told her he was helping me get dressed, a much more plausible excuse and not something that would come back to haunt me.

To this day I have no idea how long she was standing there for and what she had seen or heard, sometimes it’s best not to know.

But everything happens for a reason right and these days booby trapping the bedroom door goes hand-in-hand with the tacky candle and the bum cream!

What would you have said?

Have you ever been snapped getting frisky?

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