Swallow the frog.

Screen Shot 2014-09-23 at 8.22.04 am

It’s why I do Huffy Puffy first thing in the morning!

There are some things in life that defeat you before you even start trying. Small mundane tasks, which are annoying, but can be elevated to insanity starters at the slightest glitch.

I searched my cerebral mass to come up with a list of things that have caused my blood pressure to skyrocket over the past month. And this is why I am addicted to meditation aps. Let us begin.

A simple task such as emptying the bin. You keep shoving things in, shoving things in until there is no denying it, and it needs to go out. And because you are a tight-ass, you buy the No Frills bin liners which do not take too kindly to being overstuffed, and thus will explode, spewing the contents directly onto the floor and onto your bare feet. And it will happen when there is the carcass of a BBQ’d chicken involved. The cat is delighted. You, not so much.

Recently, a common household task led me to have a complete hissy fit. It was fresh sheet day. I LOVE fresh sheet day, especially when it coincides with “shave your legs” day! There is nothing like sliding into cool, crisp sheets, bar the first bite into a Magnum.

But you pay for it. You really do. The tax on such a delight is the putting on of the doona cover. I am not talking about the single variety. I am referring to the Mac Daddy of the linen world.

The King Sized Doona Cover….

(Silence falls over the crowd. Somewhere in the distance, a baby cries out for its mother…)

The putting on of a King Sized Doona Cover requires nerves of steel, a 100% level of sobriety and the combined patience of Mother Theresa and someone waiting in Emergency with an axe protruding from their back.

In theory, one is to turn the cover inside out. You then enter the doona cover and retrieve the corners. You then locate the correct corners of the doona, and flip it about a few times before DISCO! You have yourself a doona complete with cover.

In reality, the doona cover engulfs you, you manage to make you way out of the cover having grabbed some part of the doona, flip it a few times, end up with a big bloody mess before throwing the whole stinking lot on the bed then storming out.

Alternatively, you can just lie on the lumps and sob gently. This is my preferred result.

Ah, the mundane tasks of life. What else have I been up to?

I have been filling up the car with petrol, replacing the cap at the exact time that I realize that my handbag is sitting on the bench back at home. Mood changer, right there.

I have opened a tin of cat food, only to have the ring pull flick the tiniest drop of cat food juice onto my lip.

And I have tried to build up the courage to call Foxtel, to have the IQ box replaced. As soon as I hear the automated “So I know I am speaking to the right person, I am just going to ask you a few questions. Is this ok?” I yell “NO IT IS NOT OK I JUST WANT MY ^%$^%^*&$% BOX REPLACED” and hang up.

Mark Twain once said “If you know you have to swallow a frog, swallow it first thing in the morning. If there are two frogs, swallow the big one first.” which basically means get your most dreaded job over and done with as early as humanly possible. This I know is true.

When I wake up, I get up and make my bed. There is that old analogy “Why bother, you are just going to get back into it.” But the sight of a well-made bed provides some sort of anchor for my day. I know. I have issues.

Other Frog Eating examples include;

• Making that awkward phone call you have been putting off.
• Making sure that any unpleasant meetings happen first thing in the morning.
• Making sure that any doctor’s or dentist appointments are made as the sparrow farts. THEN YOU ARE DONE!
• Booking in deliveries and tradies in at the earliest time they offer.
• Schedule spousal unpleasantness over breakfast, giving you a full day to repair the damage.

That Mr. Twain was a smart man. His insistence on early morning frog eating has been a bit of a game changer around these parts. King Sized Doona Cover wrangling has now been designated as an early morning practice. This ensures that the day can only get better from there on in.

Tell me… What are you putting off right now?