Chucking a sickie

Back in my day (when the dinosaurs ruled the earth) you had to be a world-class actress to get away with chucking a sickie. For my Mum was as sharp as a tack, and it sucked giant hairy dogs balls that she was in fact, a nurse.

I would pull all of the classic tricks out of the bag to try to pull one off.

Like putting a really hot washer on my face for a few moments, before seeking her out to tell her I don’t feel well. The first thing she would do (and I still do it to mine) is to feel the forehead. I would try to fake vomit, fake faint and fake diarrhoea explosion, which as you could imagine is very hard to pull off. So in our family, you basically had to be receiving the last rites from a priest, or see the vultures circling above you, to get a day off school.

But on the odd occasion, it did backfire on her. You might have been genuinely as crook as a dog’s back leg, but got sent anyway, only to deliver a mega-chunder later in the classroom. To which she got called to come and get you.Screen Shot 2014-10-29 at 8.48.57 am

I am more of a pushover than my Mum. But this morning, I got my son a beauty.

He came to me, complaining of feeling nauseous. His said is ear hurt as well. I looked into his large, soulful eyes (and felt his forehead which was fine). His pathetic-ness won me over and I told him, he could have the day off school.

Now where he made a mistake was not to continue the charade for more than 5 minutes, and I noticed, as I hung out the first of a billion loads of washing for the day, that he was engaging in a lively and competitive game of tennis on the concrete with his brother. I called him over, and told him to go and put his school uniform on. His face immediately fell back into the pathetic gaze. I told him that I was not buying it for a second and to go and put his school uniform on.

MUM 1. SON 0.

You see, you must continue the charade at LEAST until lunchtime, before you make a miraculous recovery which enables you to be 100% recovered so come the afternoon, you can legitimately go for a swim in the neighbours pool.

ROOKIE ERROR!

Did you have to be nearly dead to get away with a sickie from school?

Ever chundered in the classroom?