SURPRISE!

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How are you with surprises?

I am either delighted or mortified by them. Delightful surprises include:

  • Incidental weight loss
  • Finding a ten dollar note in a coat pocket
  • Receiving a lovely email from a reader
  • Getting flowers from Mr. Woog for no reason
  • A rare smooth complexion for a day or two
  • Being able to fit into something that I have bought online
  • Parcels (even though I had ordered them myself)
  • Every day that Kim Kardashian remains married to Kanye West

Unpleasant surprises can be found in the following circumstances

  • Under the bed after the cat had delivered a mouse a few days earlier
  • Finding a lunchbox… from term 1
  • The toilet, just always in such a state that when a visitor asks to use the loo, I have to tell them to wait for a minute so I can go and make sure that there is no piss on the floor.
  • When you go to pay for something and you find that your partner has relieved you of your cash
  • Every time Jacqui Lambie opens her gob
  • When you are lying in bed with your oldest son in the morning having a snuggle when he announces that “Today is dress like a gold rush prospector day.”

Which is what happened yesterday.

What the fuck? Who thinks of these things? It turns out that the team who write the HSIE Curriculum do. Horatio is now a walking encyclopaedia of all things Gold Rush, but try as we did, we were unable to knock up a Gold Rush Prospector costume in ten minutes.

In one moment of complete clarity, I grabbed an old t-shirt, “distressed” it with a pair of scissors and then took it outside. Rolling it in a bit of dirt, I proudly showed him my efforts, which were met with an immediate “No.”

So with minutes to spare, I threw in the towel. I told him to go and sort out his own Gold Rush Prospectors costume. So off to school he went on his bike, wearing black jeans, trainers and a sleeveless vest emblazoned with PORT DOUGLAS JUNIOR CROCS AFL. He wanted to take a pick axe, but I feared that he would be arrested on the way to school.

My little bogan Gold Rush Prospector,  he went to go on and spend a day digging in some sand and making damper.

And that is a surprise that I could do without.

What is your best and worst surprises?