I believe..


That the Woolies delivery will arrive, every time, one minute before your window closes.

That butchers should replace priests in confessionals, such is their cheery disposition.

That if you are an asshole to people then karma will come and bite you in yours.

That I do not want to catch public transport in Queensland as the commuters always seem to be having fights, with someone filming them, then they end up on A Current Affair.

That the people in the Big Brother House should be safety led outside, and then someone should throw a match to the whole thing. But that is no reflection on my feelings towards Sonia Kruger who I think is marvellous.

That Jackie Lambie should be made the Minister for International Relations. I also believe that it is time to up my meds. And look, there is a unicorn!

That until proven otherwise, Turnbull should replace Tony.

That I am going to Bali soon sans family and I am quite beside myself about it.

That everyone is harbouring a dark secret.

That you need to wash your hair much less than you think.

That ah-bras, and any bras trying to be sold to me on TV by a man who doesn’t really understand boobs, are a crock of shite. BACK FAT! Glen Wheeler, I ain’t buying it.

That if your short term goal is to do an infomercial with Glen Wheeler, it might be time to revise it.

That if you pump too much botox into your head you look a little strange.

That you can be a late adopter of any of the Kardashian shows and shill be obsessed. Why is Kourtney will with Scott?

That if you say a cheery good morning to people you pass in the street, it makes you feel better.

If you look down, you will feel down. If you look up, the worst thing that might happen to you is that you could tread in a massive, steaming pile of dog plop. And if that is the worst thing that happens to you today, well things aren’t all that bad.

Got any earth shattering beliefs to share?