Fancy a Shag?

I think Valentines Day is an absolute crock. And I am not saying it because Mr. Woog is away and I am planning to spend the evening watching Better Homes and Gardens with a pizza. It is because we are all guilted into doing the grand gesture. I mean, if the doorbell rang and there was a delivery man standing there, ready to present me with this…

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I would completely gag, after grabbing the champers. (Not to mention ask if I could return it and get the $389.95 back) Whats with the fucking monkey?

Oh, don’t I sound cynical. But I was the object some someones affection who showered me with gifts once upon a time.

I was in year 5 at school and my “boyfriend” loved to give me gifts. Some were stolen from his mother, like the half bottle of 4711 he presented to me one day.

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He also gave me a crystal bowl in the shape of a heart and the best one was the Cabbage Patch Doll Car Seat that he pegged at me while I was playing handball. So romantic. He has made some woman somewhere, a very happy lady I suspect.

Instead of tokenism, I prefer my romantic gestures to be spread out over the entire year. Some would include, but are not limited to the following.

  • Unpacking the dishwasher without comment or expecting praise
  • Covering my canteen shift when I have a deadline
  • Bringing me a coffee in bed each morning
  • Not trying to solve my problems when all I want is a good old sulk. Just pat me head and make soothing noises.
  • Shutting the bathroom door
  • Putting your things away
  • Wearing pants

It is not hard to please me. I do not have huge expectations on Valentines Day. So as I sit on the couch and make love to a small ham and pineapple pizza tomorrow night, I will be enjoying the following…

“Valentine’s Day is here and love is in the air this week! Tara and Adam tackle a kitchen makeover for some newlyweds, Karen shows us a divine white chocolate Rocky Road – the perfect sweet treat for your loved one, while Ed whips up a trio of romantic recipes. And don’t forget the flowers – Graham shows us how to pick the perfect roses for your loved one.

Even they are letting me down…

Is your partner romantic?

Or is he more of a grab crotch “FANCY A SHAG” type of bloke?